


Will the Bell Ring?

by PerpetualSpinster



Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: Black Character(s), Erik Killmonger Lives, Fluff and Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2019-08-29 11:24:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16743064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerpetualSpinster/pseuds/PerpetualSpinster
Summary: Erik Killmonger and his wife Kimara have a long standing relationship that has been through it all.  But they have pulled through, and now are ready to take the next big step: starting a family.  However, the process is proving to be a lot harder than Kimara expected and starts to doubt herself and her worth. (Inspired by John Hughes 'She's Having a Baby)





	1. Chapter 1

“Aye, babe!  What’s it say?  You bein real quiet.”  Erik asks from the bedroom while he’s laid up in bed flipping through the TV channels.  

Kimara was in the restroom looking at the stick sitting on the sink.  Her and Erik had been together six years, married for three, and for the last year and a half have seriously been trying to conceive children.  If it was up to Erik, they would’ve had a 10 year old by now because he’s liked her ever since they were students at MIT. But Kimara knew Erik played around, so there wasn’t a point in getting too involved when she knew she wasn’t going to be his one and only.

“Baby?  For real, wassup?”  Erik asks, as he turns the TV off, sitting up.

Kimara had the stick facing down so the results were still a mystery.  She was so ready to be a mom. 

Before she realized, the stick grew legs of its own, swiftly picked off the sink.  Kimara turned to see Erik reading it.

“What’s it mean when there’s one line again?  I thought we said to get the ones that had words on it, Mara?”  Erik asks, scratching his head. 

Kimara wanted to smack his large scar-studded chest for being rude  sneaking up on her. Sometimes she wasn’t sure how much he knew what this did to her.  “Erik, let me see it and I’ll tell you!” 

Erik tuts at her, handing the thing to her, hugging her from behind as she looked at the lines.  Indeed, it was just one. 

“I’m not.”  She says curtly, holding her face in her hands.

“Come on, don’t do that, aye.  Look at me.” Erik turns her around, bringing her wrists down.  “Just cuz it didn’t happen now, doesn’t mean it won’t happen later, you hear me?  The doctor said this stress could make things harder for us to do it too.”

“It’s so un-fucking-fair.  People have babies on accident all the fucking time, but I want one and-”

Erik brings her into his chest rubbing her back.  “That ain’t it, though. You not being punished and nothing is wrong with you.  I haven’t tested myself yet, so why don’t I make an appointment, just to make sure.”

This must have been really breaking Erik’s heart too.  He swore up and down no one was gonna be messing with his seed in a lab because of some government conspiracy on Black men.  He’d come up with any and every excuse to protect his boys but he was ready to put them on the line.

“Oh, Erik, you will?”  Kimara looks at him hopeful.

“Don’t get too damn happy about it, shit.  But yes, I’m gonna go shoot in a cup or whatever and get this looked at once and for all.  But when they say it’s all good, cuz I know I am, we goin on a vacation or somethin. We need to take our mind off of this for a little bit, reset.”

Kimara jumps up and down, bringing her arms around Erik’s neck, kissing his face all over. "Baby, thank you!  You so good to me, mmuah!”

Erik moves his face around playfully.  “Aight, aight, keep on with that, Imma give you somethin to thank me for.”

Kimara lifts up her nightgown to show her round, brown ass with stretch marks highlighted across her cheeks off as Erik looks at it in the mirror.  “I can’t thank you enough…” she says seductively.

Erik instantly grows against her, smacking her ass and giving it a jiggle.  “Nah, you can, and we gonna take our time til you do.”

 

**_Two years ago_ **

 

Kimara and Erik walk down the street, hand in hand while he does whatever on his phone.

“Hey, you got some time for me today?”  Kimara asks Erik, rolling her eyes.

He keeps scrolling through his phone, saying blankly,  “Yeah, that’s crazy.”

Kimara stops crossing her arms up.  “You know, if you gonna take me out to eat, I wanna do more than just eat, right?  You been so damn busy with your work at Boeing and then doing the outreach center in your spare time, I ain’t had much time to see you lately.”

Erik puts his phone in his pocket, aggravated.  “Yeah, I know. We not getting any food out here though so can we walk now?  Instead of blocking traffic?”

Kimara walks on briskly.  “Oh, now I’m the one making things difficult.  Ok Erik, damn.” She could’ve swore she heard him chuckle as they walked in, but she prayed to God it wasn’t, or he’d be getting a backhand real fast.

The four star restaurant had an excellent view of the nearby water, and were seated promptly on the patio.  Erik had his shades on, looking at his phone again as you studied the menu. “What’re you getting, babe?” he asks.

You huff.  “I didn’t know you knew I was ordering anything with your eyes down all the time.”  

Erik pulls his shades down his nose.  “Mara, you know I’m still on the clock, even when I’m off of it.  What’s up with you today? You been biting my head off for days now.”

Kimara tosses the menu down looking for the waiter.  “If you don’t know already, you really been wasting my time for entirely too fuckin long.”

The waiter comes over.  “Are you all ready to order?”

Kimara starts.  “Yes, I’ll-”

Erik puts a hand up.  “Actually man, nah, we could use a couple more minutes.”

“Erik, I’m ready to-”

“No you not.”  He says, staring at you with a ‘try me’ expression on his face that would’ve had she ready to make a WorldStar video with his ass but she put a cap on her emotions until the waiter left.  

“Why you bein childish?  If you actually looked at the menu instead of some Instagram ass, we could be eating bread by now.”  You scoff.

Erik takes off his shades, holding his hands together.  “Did I tell you I was lookin at Instagram ass?”

“It don’t matter-”

“Did you see Insta booty on my shit just now?”  He says, stonewalling her.

“I said, it doesn’t-”

“Nah, it fuckin matters Mara!  You always talk about me and how I act with you, let me air you out for a second.  Anytime a female walks past me, I can tell you cut your eyes to see if I’m lookin at her.  When I text you that I’m gonna be late gettin home, you never wanna hug up on me or nuthing.  At first I thought it was cute, like you tryna tell me you missed me, til I see my pants pockets flipped inside out on the floor cuz you lookin for who the fuck knows.  What gives you the damn right?!”

People start to look around at the table they are sitting at.  “Erik, you were a player before we got together. You probably ain’t got enough skin to fit your body count numbers if that’s what they meant instead!  I’m trying to protect myself!”

“I was!  Past tense!  Mara, I loved you on sight, you wouldn’t take me serious when I was tryna claim you!  I ain’t cared about no other bitches because I’m tryna look out for the BOTH of us! And you got me sittin up here in the white ass establishment talkin bout I’m lookin at ass cuz you wanna protect yourself??  What happened to them vows we did a year ago Mara? What the fuck did they mean?” Erik gets up, putting his shades back on as he walks out.

Kimara sits there, blushing at the aftermath of the argument as she tries to smoothly collect herself and leave like nothing is wrong.  

Erik completely vanishes.  Kimara didn’t find him at the car and he has the key so she wasn’t going anywhere right now; probably did that on purpose to be petty.  Kimara walked around the block looking up, down and across the street until she saw him on a park bench. Kimara breathed a sigh of relief as she trotted over to him.

She approached him slowly from behind to not give herself away.  Erik is sometimes liable to get up and walk off on some goose chase if he is still fuming.  But he stayed put as she sat down next to him. There was a playground in front of them, children swinging and sliding on the structures. 

After sometime when Erik still sat mute, Kimara broke the ice.  “Erik, you didn’t….I didn’t mean to make you blow up like that.”

Erik flaps his knee back and forth getting riled again.  “So you meant what you said, not how you said it? Got it.”

Kimara sighs.  “No, that’s not what I mean!  Listen, can you blame me, Erik?  You such a wildcard sometime, I can’t be too sure what I‘m getting.”

“You got a nigga that’s ready to lay down his life for this to work!  I ain’t had shit handed to me in life, I work for every piece of bread I earned, from nothing!  You and me both know how they would look at us in college like we didn’t belong there, but we pulled it off cuz we knew what we had!  You fuckin believed in me academically, but romantically, you still nervous around me? We not 12! We grown! I took muthafuckin vows, Mara!  I been faithful to you this whole damn relationship, this ain’t what I wanna hear when I’m doin my part!” He claps his chest before pulling out his phone handing it to you.  “Funny thing is you got my passcode, you could put your mind at ease whenever you feel like it.”

Kimara looks at it in her hands shaking her head.  “No.”

“Look at it, go head!  I’m only textin you, my job, or my cousins over in Africa.  Check the shit! If you see a dick pic trust me, you’ve already seen every one of em.  But fuck outta here if you don’t think I love you enough, I just stay busy! I gotta stay busy to keep my mind from other shit.”

Erik laying out all of these truths softened Kimara up real quick.  She was a sucker for his love declarations, she just wish it didn’t have to come from an argument all the time.  Kimara scoots over to Erik, resting her chin on his shoulder. “Erik…”

“Don’t be gettin all soft now, keep that same energy.  You don’t know how much I do what I do is for you and me to be on our Bey and Jay shit, but it’s hard.”

Kimara rubs his shoulder, kissing his ear.  “I know baby. You do a good job.”

A ball rolls over to his feet.  He picks it up as a little girl about 6 years old runs to get it.  “Here you go, princess. Be careful not to get that pretty shirt dirty.”  The little girl takes the ball from Erik, smiling as she points to the shirt naming the character on it as her favorite.  Erik nods smiling as she runs back over to her playmates. “I want to take care of my legacy too. I want this, Mara. A little you, little me just runnin they happy ass around here, acting a fool.”

Kimara sat back in shock.  “Erik, I thought you didn’t want any!”

Erik’s shoulders relax as he speaks.  “That was before shit hit the fan. The bullshit I was into when I went into the service?  I didn’t think I’d have the right mindset to raise a kid after all that. But, things got better, I earned some new family that helped put me back together and I want that for us now.  I get it if you don’t though, like you said, I didn’t want any for so long, so…”

Kimara hugged Erik as her wrapped his arms back around her, sitting in the sweet residua gladness of each other.  Kimara wasn’t sure when or how this would happen but if Erik had her back, she’d walk through fire with him any day.

 

**_21 Months ago_ **

 

Kimara sat on the couch, looking through her phone at the latest celebrity gossip that circulated the Twitter streets.  It was a Saturday, so things were pretty chill for the time being as she waited for the laundry to be done. As the front door opens, Erik comes in, sweaty and shirtless from his run.  

“Damn, it’s hot as fuck out there!  Wassup baby, you eat yet?” Erik leans down to give her a kiss on the forehead before walking through the kitchen.  Kimara almost forgot to answer his question as she watched his ass walk away in his sweaty sweatpants hugging low over his hips.  The outlines of muscles underneath his scarring distracted her as she tried to answer. “Uh, yeah, it’s under the sink.”

Erik looked behind him, smiling as he looked in the fridge.  “You know that don’t answer my question right at all.” He laughs, taking his headphones off and putting his phone down.  “I’ll get somethin started when I get out the shower. And so you know, my cousin supposed to be planning to come in town sometime to stay a while.  It’s been a minute since he seen the outreach center, so he gotta show face, get his Kingly hands dirty and shit.”

“Oh, good.”  Kimara says deadpan.  She couldn’t help it, lost in his biceps, piled with power that threatens lives and legs when he wraps them around. 

As he starts upstairs, Kimara phone goes off.  It’s a reminder for her birth control, so she heads upstairs to take it.  Erik is in the shower, singing hella offkey some 90s R&B song through the frosted glass.  Kimara holds in her laughter as she takes out her package of pills to take. She was going to need a refill soon, taking note as she popped one out of the packaging, running some water in a cup.  As she does so, she catches her reflection.

“Aye, Mara!  I’m almost done in here, can you check we got eggs?  I feel like a omelette, you want one?” 

Kimara looks at the pill and back at her reflection.  “Yeah, ok.” She sets her cup down, turning the sink on again as she watches herself dropping the pill in the sink, spinning around the basin before disappearing down the drain.  Taking the package of pills, she pops the last week’s worth down the sink with it, ignoring her anxiety over what she was doing. Once all the pills were down the drain, she drinks the cup of water, splashing the remaining bit on her face for clarity as she realizes what decision she was about to make.  

Stepping out of the bathroom Kimara sits on the bed, gripping the edge of the bed nervously as Erik shuts off the shower, stepping out butt naked to get his towel.  “Damn! You scared the shit outta me! Whatchu doin there? Did you check the eggs?”

All this mention of eggs only got her heart rate up more, thinking of the fertilization process and fetus development and BAM!  A baby and now they are parents living new life. 

Erik has dried himself down, wrapping the towel around his waist looking at Kimara with concern.  “Wassup? You look off..”

Kimara gets off the bed, sticking her tongue right down Erik’s throat, boxing his tonsils out for a TKO.  Erik takes a couple steps backwards but steadies himself enough to grab her ass and deepen the kiss for her.

“Shit, it’s like that?”  Erik says, his voice more baritone from the kissing just turns Kimara on even more as she takes off her clothes, whipping Erik’s towel off like a dinner table trick.

Erik kneads Kimara’s titties as she works up his erection falling back on the bed in lustful clumsiness.  

Kimara’s center ached for his touch as she flipped Erik on his back, straddling him.  His face read 'shook’ as she pinned his hands back, grinding against his member laying on his stomach.  

“Oohh, shit, Ma!  You tryna make a nigga tap out?”  Erik moans.

“Shut up…”  Kimara bites her lip, commanding him to stay still, though his hips didn’t seem to wanna listen.  She felt herself climaxing as she grinded on him faster and faster, sliding along him as her pussy ached for something to hold onto.  

Erik laughed.  “You finna get it, on God.  Cummin on my dick without me in it, fuckin rude.”

Kimara kept one hand on his chest as she reached for his member, trying to avoid her sensitive clit as she pressed herself over him.

“Ohh, fuck…”  Kimara moans as her walls settle around him.

Erik, hands now free, takes Kimara by the hips, looking at her with a devilish determination.  Planting his feet, Erik works his hips up to her, digging into Kimara with a vengeance. “Ahh, shit, that’s that tight pussy.  It’s been waitin on this dick to come thru.”

Kimara moans, nodding as she holds her breasts down from knocking around violently from his full throttle.  Kimara’s legs begin to shake when Erik thumbs her clit in rhythm with his stroke, making her topple over on top of him.

He laughs, smacking her ass.  “Get back up on it, don’t play with me.”

Kimara sighs, breathless.  “Erik, I can’t…”

He smacks her ass again.  “Get the fuck back on my dick.”  Smack! “Thought your ass was tough.”  Smack! “Act like you never had this before.  This dick yours ain’t it?” Smack! 

Kimara tried to find some perseverance to keep going.  All this just to get some baby juice going inside of her, she didn’t need Erik being extra right now.

Kimara sits up again, clawing his pecs as she bounces on his dick.  “Like this, daddy?”

Erik puts his hands behind his head biting his lips.  “Mhm, that’s more like it. Work that pussy.”

Kimara smiles looking at his mouth open when her pace leads him closer to that promise land.  He tries to break his own concentration smacking her ass again to provoke her. “You gotta work for that breakfast, Mara.  Fuck me like you hate me.” 

“Yes, daddy.”  Kimara takes her hand closer to his throat, bouncing faster on his dick.  Erik closes his eyes again, squeezing her breasts as enjoys the ride.

Kimara mewls as her orgasm washes over her again, using everything in her to ride it out as hard as she can as she squeezes around him.  Smacking his face she says, “Look at me, daddy. Look at me while I come on your dick.”

Erik purses his mouth, reaching his hands around Kimara’s neck to bring her face to face with him.  His hips come back to work, bouncing her on top of him with his force. 

“You better come inside me, I want you to fill my guts, daddy.”  Kimara mewls, her face strains in pleasure.  Calling him daddy like a prayer for a prophecy to be fulfilled.

Erik grunts, losing his words as he is fully invested.  He sits up and pins Kimara on her back in one fluid motion as pound into her pussy, spreading her out as wide as she can go.

“Tell me what you want.”  Erik grunts, holding her legs back unrelenting.

Kimara gasps, gripping the blankets.  “Fill...me...up…”

“This pussy already creamin, you sure?”  Erik asks like a jackass. Kimara would’ve laughed had it not been for his dick fucking up her speech patterns.

“Please...daddy...I want it inside…”  Kimara says in a falsetto she didn’t know was in her.

Erik pops in and out of her just a handful of strokes more until he slams once more into her, falling on top of her as he empties into her, slowly thrusting every drop that she craved.  Kimara rubbed his scalp as they laid in a haze of pleasure, pulling out Erik leans down to kiss and lick her pussy in gratefulness as she jerks from the sensitivity.

“Damn, Mara.  The fuck did that come from?”  Erik says hovering over her, kissing her gently.  

Kimara laid in pure relaxation.  “Just….needed it.”

 

**_Eighteen Months Ago_ **

 

The holidays rolled around, and Kimara and Erik were house hopping for dinner between your families to get the most goodness you all could handle.  T’Challa had come to town, bringing Shuri and Queen Mother Ramonda for an American vacation.

“It is so good to see you, N’Jadaka!  It’s been far too long!” T’Challa welcomed the both of them as they all gathered around the table to a meal of thankfulness.  

“N’Jadaka, your wife is a lovely woman, I am glad someone was up to the task of domesticating you to a proper human being.”  Shuri claps Erik on the back as she laughs heartily. 

Erik rolls his eyes.  “That’s why I ain’t letting you come down here for Coachella, Shuri.  Go on back to your lab with all that mouth, dawg.”

Shuri cackles.  “It’s funny you think I can’t manage buying tickets and flying myself.  That’s hilarious.”

“Shuri!”  Queen Mother scolds.  “That is enough. Now, Kimara, when did you want to come to Wakanda?  I have been waiting for your visit it seems like forever.”

“Well, whenever I can get the time carved out to go.  Erik is pretty busy with work, so I’d like it to be a joint trip.”

Queen Mother waves this off.  “Oh, please! It’s not like you have to wait on an airline, when you are ready, call on your kimoyo beads and we will be outside of your door.  The only thing stopping you would be a pregnancy.”

Kimara freezes at this statement, laughing nervously.

“Yeah, well we ain’t on that wave yet, Auntie.  Ask your son though, I imagine he is sowing his oats in some River Tribe princess over there, right?”  Erik jabs at T’Challa, who curls up in embarrassment.

“Me and Nakia are taking a break, I told you.  With the center and me leading a nation, it’s hard for us to be around and...why am I explaining all of this.  Please, leave me be!” T’Challa says, downing a drink. 

The ride home from dinner was quiet, except for the radio blasting some late night mixes on the radio that had Erik bumping.  

Kimara reaches over to turn down the radio.  “Erik, do you still want children?”

Erik screws his face up.  “I know I’d like a CHILD, for now.  Why?”

Kimara nods.  “Just checking...um...do you have boxers anymore or just the boxer brief things?”

Erik looks at Kimara like she’s mental.  “The hell are you asking about my underwear for?  Is this some Cosmo test to see if your man is Mr. Right or something?”

Kimara laughs.  “No, no. It’s just, curiosity.  There was a poll that said men don’t wear briefs and boxer briefs are the most popular so I just-”

“Be real for a second.”  Erik said, dropping the bass in his voice for effect.  Kimara loved/hated when his authority tone came out but this was not the time for it.  Luckily they had pulled up to the house so she hopped out running inside.

Kimara goes to the bedroom, checking her phone app for ovulation period stats on fertility.  Everything she’d been doing seemed on schedule, but for three months of unprotected frequent sex, nothing has emerged.  

Tossing her phone to the side, Kimara gets undressed, getting ready for bed.  As she brushes her teeth, she hers Erik come in.

“Did something bother you at the dinner that you not tellin me about?”  Erik asks, untying his shoes.

Kimara spits.  “No, everything went fine!  I really had a great time, so don’t worry about it.  I’m just tired.”

_ Beep Beep _

Kimara’s phone goes off.  “Aye, Mara, looks like….’prime for baby time’?  Erik reads confused.

Kimara’s heart dips as she hears the reminder she forgot to silence, letting her know when she was ovulating.

“Mara, is this tied to what you was askin me for?”  Erik asked with bass in his voice. When Kimara peeked out at him, he didn’t look mad but he was serious.  

Kimara played with her hands.  “Erik, I was gonna talk to you about it anyway but, I was wanting to make a baby...with you.”

Erik scoffs for a second before tossing the phone down.  “Shit, I knew that on our first date but why ain’t you tell me you was ready now?  Girl, let’s try right now!” Erik peels his shirt off, going to unbutton his pants.

“Erik, wait!  That’s not all!”  Kimara says, holding his hands.

“What?  Just tell me how you wanna do this.  Missionary for a girl, cowgirl for a boy.  Doggy gonna give us twins, no doubt-”

“Erik!  I haven’t taken my birth control for three months!”  she shouts.

Erik stand there froze.  “So you tryna trap me?”

“Erik!”

He laughs, pulling her into him.  “Aight, calm down. That’s cool! Now that I know, like I said, I can use my methods-”

‘Erik, how you know so much about getting someone pregnant?  You got some kids I don’t know of?” Kimara asks.

“Pssh, what?  Nah, whatchu talkin bout girl?  You crazy! Pregnancy scares? Sure, but no kids, nah.”

Kimara sighs, hugging Erik.  “I just thought I’d be telling you I’m pregnant by now.”

Erik rubs her back.  “It’s no big deal. I heard of people raw dogging for years without a kid, it’s just timing I think?  And your cycle shit, whatever the hell that’s like. Maybe I can ask T’Challa for some aphrodisiac type shit to really beat it up good.”


	2. Chapter 2

T’Challa has been in town for a few weeks now, no date determined for when he would return to Wakanda, so his time spent in the States mostly meant working at the outreach center, being a liason for international affairs from time to time, and also dating begrudgingly.  It is Erik’s doing to try and get T’Challa out there on the prowl again since Nakia seemed not at all pressed to stand by for him.  

Even though the outreach center in Oakland is an assignment T’Challa bestowed upon her to satiate her need to help others on Wakanda’s behalf, she found a way to not have to stay in one place, as she habitually tended to do.   Instead of doing the grunt work, Nakia would take trips to try and spread the word of their goals to other communities to grow their cause exponentially.

Erik was tired of seeing T’Challa mope and wear himself out physically and emotionally, so one night he got him out of the house.  Pulling up to T’Challa’s place, Erik honks to let him know he has arrived.  

After a few minutes, T’Challa steps out in a brown tunic, pants and sandals trotting to Erik’s car.

“Aye, whoa, hey!  The hell you got on man?”  Erik leans over talking out of the passenger window.  

T’Challa tries the door but it’s locked.  “N’Jadaka, I am in my clothes.  These cost more than your mortgage payments.”  He tries the door again.  “Unlock the door!”

Erik shakes his head.  “Nah, bump that.  You ain’t sittin yo tacky ass in my ride til you change, bruh.  I thought you asked for Shuri’s fashion advice before leaving the house man.”

T’Challa bends down, sticking his hand in to search for the unlock button.  “You are being ridiculous…”

Erik pushes on the window button on his side watching the window roll up as T’Challa quickly brings his arm out on the safe side.

“N’Jadaka!”  T’Challa shouts pounding on the window.

“Aye!  Your genetically enhanced ass better not bust my window cuz I know you good for a replacement.  Change. Your. Clothes.  If you tryna get any play tonight, you better go on back.”

T’Challa spins on his heels back towards his place as Erik pulls out his phone.  Work is still hounding him about a presentation he is to give on a new model for the blackbox recording device in Boeing aircrafts.  It’s in a couple of days and he still has a lot to finish before going in front of all of those white folk to back it.  A text from Kimara pops up on his phone.

_Hey, how long are you going to be out for?_

Erik checks the time and texts back.   ** _I dont know.  Shit dont start poppin off tile 12:30 sooo…_**

_Erik, you have your appointment in the morning, remember?_

Erik had not remember, thank God for Kimara’s nagging.  ** _Oh babe, of course.  I won’t be out past 2, 3 at the latest._**  

_I swear if I have to roll your ass out of the bed, so help me._

_**Chill out!  I’m grown, I can wake myself up just fine.  My six figures speak for themself.** _

Erik puts the phone down gripping the steering wheel with slight aggravation.  Kimara has been getting extra cranky lately, which was usually a sign of the time of the month, but now it’s just the stress of trying to conceive.  Erik looks back at his phone, seeing that the message was read, but no reply.  Shit, he thought.  That’s not good.   No good night, see you later then, ok love you?  She’s pissed but Erik will make it up to her in the morning.  He could make it up to her when he gets home, but he gotta save that for the doctor’s appointment.

Erik honks his horn again over and over, keeping it pressed for five second intervals.

T’Challa swings his front door open waving at Erik to cease his incessant honking, locking the door behind himself.  Erik looks over the ensemble of choice: black slacks with a white shirt tucked in, olive green military style jacket, some all white Adidas on his feet.

Erik sits up as he unlocks the door for T’Challa to get in.  “Are you done wasting my time?”  

T’Challa looks at Erik.  “What do you mean?  You demanded I change.”

“And I oughta make you change again with them whack Adidas on, but I’ll let it go for time.  I can’t be out all night.”  Erik says pulling out onto the street.

“Why would we go out if you have obligations in the morning.  You didn’t mention that.”

“Well, I kinda forgot about it cuz.  Kimara just reminded me while you were changing.”

“Oh, and how are things between the two of you now?”  T’Challa asks.

Erik sighs, turning a corner.  “We good, definitely.  Just hittin a rough patch right now.  You know we tryna have a baby and shit.”

“Uh-huh.”  T’Challa says, scrolling through his phone.

“So like, we been tryin for a while and that ain’t been easy on her.  She stay thinkin she broken and shit but the pussy ain’t broke, trust.”

T’Challa looks up from his screen.  “You know that...it’s more than that to making a baby, right?”

Erik kisses his teeth.  “Nigga, I know, damn.  I’m just sayin, she ain’t had no issues.  She already had herself checked out, the tubes and utilities is all in workin order.”

“Her uterus?”  T’Challa asks in confusion.

Erik stops hard at a stop sign.  “Can I tell my story the way I wanna tell it?”

T’Challa shakes his head going back to his phone again.  

“Like I was saying, she good!  That ain’t no issue, so she been doing her own research, eating different foods and trying other shit in the bedroom and scheduling shit out to when she most fertile but ain’t a damn thing happened.  She bought pregnancy tests in bulk and shit, like this is all she be thinkin about now.  We can’t just fuck no more, it’s fuckin with a purpose, which ain’t as fun.  So now I gotta go get tested to make sure my hotel is fully booked for vacation, you know what I’m sayin?”

T’Challa turns off his screen letting out a sigh.  “Well that is a lot of information for you to have given me just now.  Great start to the evening.”

Erik kisses his teeth.  “Wooow, ok, I thought family could confide in family, but cool.  I hear you.”

“Erik, that is not the problem, it is your details.  You leave in far too many.” T’Challa says, voice raising in frustration.  “I don’t want this imagery in my head and just out of respect for Kimara, can you minimize the specifics?”

Erik drives in silence for a minute mulling it over.  “Fine, aight.  But that do remind me, I was wondering if you have any Wakandan aphrodisiac type stuff to try and get things kickin off more proper.  I don’t know what the doctor gonna say tomorrow, but I figure I can get ahead now.”

“N’Jadaka, have you...noticed any trouble in that area before?”  T’Challa asks unwillingly.

“Hell no!  I get up, I get down, and ain’t had no complaints, 100% on Yelp baby!”  Erik says cackling and slapping T’Challa’s leg.

“Alright, enough!  To answer your question, sure, there are some remedies that can aid you in that endeavor.  I can’t say how good they are, but they are made from natural ingredients so they won’t harm you, that’s for sure.”

“Bet!  I’ll call you when I’m ready to try the shit.  Now you bein a good cousin!”  Erik cheeses excitedly.

Finally making it to the club, Erik and T’Challa get in without a worry of a line or a cover charge.  T’Challa is the head of the world’s richest country after all.

Heading inside, Cardi B is blasting as the ladies shake their asses to the beat.  Erik can’t help but notice all the big round ass pointing to the sky like shrimp on a platter, and he wanted to chow DOWN.  So maybe he looked every now and then, hell it was practically in his face.

“Damn, it’s hot in here tonight, you see this?”  Erik asks, looking over at T’Challa with his head in his phone.  “Nigga, what the hell you been lookin at this entire time?”

T’Challa puts his phone in his pocket.  “Nothing.  Oh wow, honeys everywhere, so sweet.  Yum.”  His tone is monotone as he makes his way to the bar area with Erik following in confusion.

Erik orders some Ciroc neat so his likelihood of a hangover is diminished.  T’Challa asks for a beer.

“Uh uh, bartender scratch that.  Get him some Crown Royal Black to start off with, neat.”  Erik intervenes.  

“That’s not what I wanted Erik.  I have things to do tomorrow as well.”  T’Challa hissed.

Erik sips on his drink.  “Yeah, and I assume they entail meeting with Nakia, right?”

T’Challa sighs as his drink comes up, twisting the glass in his hand.  “It’s not like I’m groveling for her attention, it’s work related.”

“And that’s the damn problem.  You ain’t gettin a break from her to get your shit back on track.  Okoye told me you be freezin, but nigga you in a Captain America ice brick.”

T’Challa looks at Erik scornfully.  “I am so tired of you all joking about that around me.  I know how to talk to a woman I admire like a normal human being.”

Erik flashes his golds with a sly smile looking across the dancefloor.  “Ok, what about….her, in the yellow.  You like that?”

T’Challa follows Erik’s direction to see a woman with a close cut dancing.  “She reminds me of the Dora too much.  No offense to them but they are like family.”

Erik nods.  “Ok, I got you.  Sooo...her, in the glittery number.”

This woman had locs going past her shoulders with jewelry adorning them.   Her dark colored dress was skintight with glitter scatter across the neck traveling to the sides of her dress in strappy stilettos.

T’Challa nods.  “Maybe.  I can get to know her.”

“Now, hang on.  You wanna know her for longer than tonight?  That’s a whole other system I have to use to map out that possibility.”

“Oh how do you know?  She could be very respectable.”

Erik claps his shoulder.  “Now, not to be extra, but she can be respectable and sleep with you on the first date dawg.   A woman’s worth ain’t based on that alone.”

T’Challa whacks his hand off.  “I told you that!  Don’t use my words against me, you know what I am saying!”

“Then go over there and get to talkin!  I ain’t got all night man!”  Erik says, sipping his drink as T’Challa goes over to her.  Erik observes as they talk: she looks at him up and down, T’Challa offers a handshake which would’ve been a strike until he kissed her hand.  Smooth, muthafucka!  Erik thought.

As Erik polishes off his Ciroc, he orders one more for the road.  While waiting, a woman catches his eye across the way.  She looks like something straight out of a music video; titties sittin up and out, waist snatched with some wide hips that had to lead to a juicy behind if she turned around just a little bit.  She runs her hand down her 3C wig as she bites her oxblood colored lips in the strobe lights.  

Erik has to adjust himself for space in his pants, downing his drink in one gulp.  He looks over at T’Challa, who has the girls arms wrapped around his neck, so things were progressing well.  Erik looks back to the woman who blows a kiss at him in the most sexiest way he has ever seen.  He curses himself as he retreats, heading to the bathroom.  

There wasn’t a line thankfully as he goes to a urinal leaning against the wall.  He tries to clear his mind of the sight of that woman;  Grandma’s, dirty draws, IRS levies, anything to make his half mast dick go down.  It had been too long since he busted; doctor’s orders to make sure they get an accurate sample, but he didn’t expect to be this weak.  Erik has been away from his girl too long for the night, clearly, so once he was able to pee, he made a plan to get the hell out of there.

Coming out of the bathroom he practically runs someone over.

“Oh, there you are.”

Erik looks to see the baddie from across the way.  Her body is almost flush with his since she didn’t take a step back from his almost collision.

“Are you followin me?”  Erik asks suspiciously.

She flashes a 1000 watt smile, dimples and all.  “No!  The girl’s is just always too long to wait….”

They stand in front of each other for entirely too long given the context of the conversation.

“I’m Chanel, by the way.”  She holds her hand out, pastel colored nails sharpened to points with jewels dorning the ring fingernail.

“I’m Erik.”  Erik takes it, growing again subconsciously from the softness and beauty of her hand, imagining it wrapped around his…

“Well, go ahead, that’s free to use.  I’ll be outta your hair.”  Erik says practically tripping past her to pull himself from her magnetic charm.  The evening is wearing him down fast as he tries to find T’Challa.

He finally spots him in between two women jostling for his attention as he smiles all shiny and clearly tipsy.

Erik grabs him by the shoulders.  “Aight, let’s go ‘fore I turn into a pumpkin bruh.”

T’Challa laughs, eyes barely open as he hugs the women to him, putting them on display.  “Iman, Chi, this is my cousin I was talking to you about.  He wants to be a Daddy!”

This sets off laughter between the three as Erik grows impatient.  “Challa, bring yourself on or you’ll have to be beggin for 50 cent a day to take your ass home.”

Iman, the woman Erik pointed out for T’Challa, quiets down from laughing first.  “I’m sorry, Erin is it?  T’Challa has been the life of the party here and we were planning to make a little after party for two later, right?”

She rubs his chest, kissing his neck which makes T’Challa laugh harder.  “I’m ticklish…”

Chi, a high yellow woman who looks like she used to be a flyer on the cheerleading squad wraps her arm through Erik’s.  “And I’m lookin for someone to call Daddy.”  

Erik firmly peels her grip off, avoiding her batting fake eyelashes.  “Girl if you don’t get the fu- T’Challa!  Collect your shit, I’m leavin with or without you man.”

Erik walks through and out the club heading to his car.  T’Challa stumbles not too far behind.

“Heeeeyy, Erik!  I’m supposed to be having fun with women tonight, why are you breaking my balls, man?”  T’Challa says, slurring his words as he whispers something to Iman, making her cackle.  T’Challa must’ve ordered a bottle or two to be acting this lit.

Erik mugs T’Challa as he unlocks his doors.  “Look like you got one, quit while you ahead.  Am I droppin y’all both at the same place?”

“To mine!!”  T’Challa bellows as he clumsily opens the door for his date.  

Erik drives off with T’Challa and Iman in the backseat being playful.  Erik checks his phone as he drives, seeing no sign of Kimara ever texting back.  It’s going on 2 am.  Erik goes to ask T’Challa a question when he looks in his rearview to see him on top of his date, hands completely up her skirt as she claws to take his shirt off.

“Aye, aye!  Y’all ain’t fuckin in my car!  Get up off her, T!”  Erik hits T’Challa as he drives.

“Eh eh!  Stop it, you are doing a lot right now, N’Jadaka.  Calm yourself.”  T’Challa whines as he lays on Iman’s bosom as she muffles her laughter.

Finally making it to T’Challa’s spot, Erik issues a warning.  “Be easy on her T’Challa.  That purple running through your ass could split her in half if you don’t pace yourself.”

T’Challa leans over the front seat putting a finger to his lips.  “Shuuuush, that is my secret no one can know.  Except Nakia, she knew how to….OH!  Don’t forget to call me about helping you impregnate your wife.”

“Congrats on fatherhood!”  Iman waves at Erik as she helps T’Challa out the car.

Erik waves weakly back watching them go inside, handsy and excited to finish what they started.  Erik sighs as he pulls off to his crib, reminiscing on his days or being that wild and free with his sexuality.  Kimara is his one and only now, and he loves every minute of it, but the baddie at the club was sticking to his mind a little too deeply.

When Erik makes it home, he steps into the bedroom to see Kimara lying asleep, facing away from him.  Erik gets undressed and takes a quick shower to freshen up before sliding across the sheets to hug his wife into him.

“Mmm, stop, I’m sleeping.”  Kimara moans, batting his arms away.

“I missed you, girl, that’s all.”  Erik says quietly, kissing her shoulder, hands traveling down her side roughly.

Kimara snaps her head back.  “Erik, I’m serious, get on somewhere.  You missed your opportunity goin out with T’Challa, now you need to rest up any damn way.”  Kimara punches her pillow a couple times before flopping down on it.

Erik kisses his teeth sitting up.  “So you don’t wanna ask me about my night?  How T’Challa is?  Anything about what we did tonight?’

“Erik, I don’t give a fuck about nothin but taking my ass to sleep, so if you would stop talkin I can do that.”

“Shit, I wish you was like this when I get off work…”  Erik says under his breath.

“There’s a lotta things I wish you would do for me Erik, but Imma save your manhood til the doctor got time to see you.  Good fuckin night!”

Erik lays there staring at the ceiling, words completely lost on him to express himself.  Kimara’s attitude in all its glory, and he just had to take it.  Erik is feeling less and less like a man in his own home. Kimara wants so much outta him, he plays it cool but it was starting to affect him.  When that girl looked at him like that in the club, it was a gaze he hadn’t gotten in at least a month from Kimara.  

The next morning, Erik rolls around to an empty bed.  Kimara got an early start to her day, leaving Erik to be responsible for getting to his appointment on time.  He arrived 30 minutes late.

“Erik Stevens!”  The nurse calls out to him in the waiting room to cue his turn to be seen.

The middle age white woman goes over the usual height, weight, blood pressure and asks about his medical history.  Erik is not a fan of doctors, so this took a lot for him to show up to.  But if it was important to Kimara, he’d go through with it.

He was left alone to stare at the white walls with diagrams of scrotums and reproductive facts until the nurse came back with a cup and a clipboard.

“Ok, Mr. Stevens, you will take this into room 3B.  Be very sure you go into 3B, you aren’t our only patient today and we don’t want to make any awkward introductions with the others, ok?”  She says eyes crinkling as she hands him the cup.

Erik looks at the cup curiously.  “You sure this ain’t for horses or somethin?  I’m supposed to fill this?”

The nurse looks at him with amused pity, patting his shoulder.  “No dear, you contribute as much as God intends.  The size just makes for an easier catch.”

Erik mutters a thank you and makes his way over to his ‘donation station’, keeping his eye on 3B.  He still knocks before entering just in case and walks in, closing the door behind him.  The room was simple, an exam bed next to a tub of lube, with an old school TV on a table with a DVD player and some magazines.

Erik hasn’t been into porn since high school, he frankly hasn’t needed it since.  But he was curious what old stuff they kept to get dudes off, so he starts with the DVD titles.  ‘Katie’s Goes to an HBBCU’, ‘Black and Barely Legals’, ‘The Mandingo Report’, ‘Santa’s Big Booty Ho Ho Hos’....

“The fuck?”  Erik says in disgust.  He wonders if every room has this selection or if the B in 3B is for ‘Black’ donors.  

The magazines were just as worse with old Playboys featuring blonde bimbos in between sticky pages.  Erik tossed them and went over to the sink to rinse his hands off.  Nothing in that room was gonna get this done fast so he sat on the edge of the bed and got his phone out.  He has one unread message from Kimara.

_Sorry I left so soon.  I had to go to the studio early today to get ahead on some stuff.  Hope you’re doing good!_

Erik breathed a sigh of relief as it seems she was past last night for now.  

_**I’m good, you know how I am about doctors.** _

She replies back.   _Yeah, you think they all microchipping people when they tell you to say ahhh lol_

Erik smiles to himself, thankful to have her words running across his screen.   Another message pops up.

_Are you done then?  Cuz I was hoping I could meet you for lunch or somethin to talk and stuff._

Erik bites his lip holding the phone in his hands, getting some devilish thoughts in his brain.  

_**Nah, not yet.  They got pornos here but I ain’t feelin them.** _

He sends the message and waits a little bit hoping she gets what he’s trying to say.  He saved their best work on his computer at home but he hadn’t backed them up for him to access on his phone yet.  

A few minutes pass and he’s getting anxious picking up the phone again to text an outright request before his phone dings.  The icon of a video message appears and Erik’s dick is already getting hard.  Pressing play he sees her come up on screen smiling with the sun on her face beaming in a halter bikini.  This is a video from their vacation last year to the Bahamas.  They stayed at an Airbnb that was way over budget but worth it.  Kimara giggles talking in a vlog style on the balcony before Erik slips up behind her, hugging her waist and kissing her behind her ear.

“You vloggin baby?  Look at us, we fuckin cute as shit.”  Erik said, speech slurred.

Kimara giggles so hard her eyes close.  “You messin up my shot Erik, dang!  I’m tryna document our trip for later.”

Erik lays on Kimara as she leans over the rail of the patio, gripping her breast greedily.  “You documentin everythin?”

“Mhm.” Kimara nods as she looks at Erik from the camera’s front facing view.   

As the scene progresses Erik takes his pants down and pumps the lube from the side table to start working on himself.  Leaning back on the bed he gets comfortable as he watches his hands travel Kimara’s body, stripping her slowly and her reacting blissfully.  Her moans and foul language keep him focused on his stroke as Erik in the video commandeers the camera to show him entering her from behind.  Erik breathes in sharply as he recalls her tightness around him as he jacks himself faster.  The camera pans to Kimara arching, her braids splayed across her back as she works herself back on him, gripping the rail for dear life.  Her moans become louder and more breathless as she approaches her tipping point, Erik in the doctors office and Erik in the video curse in unison over their shared pleasure.  When the camera shows his dick covered in her creamy secretions he barely had time to grab the cup and collect his sample.  He groaned as he choked his dick to get every spurt he could into it.

“Alright, y’all better show out in them tests.”  He tells his little soldiers as he caps the cup.  

As Erik came down from his high, he calls Kimara with his clean hand.

“Hey, baby.  How are you?”  Kimara asks.  He can hear her smiling as she talks.

“Now you know what the fuck you just did.”  Erik says laughing.

“And I know what you just did!  That’s a favorite, I loved that trip.”

“Shit, you tellin me.  I fuckin miss that island, it just brought out a different energy in us.”

There’s a pause on Kimara’s end.  “It did huh?  Maybe we can plan to go there again soon?  It would be a nice time of the year, I got vacation time to take.”

Erik stuffs his dick back in his pants, sitting up.  “I like that idea.  I got one demand though if we go.”

“Anything.”  Kimara says seductively.

“No talk of tryna get pregnant, kids, babies, fertility windows, none of that.  I still feel like our biggest problem is stressing out about it.  We just need to go on and when it happens, it happens.  The doc said it could take over a year, so I mean I just don’t wanna see you going out of your mind about this.  You need to relax some and just be you again.”

Kimara sighs.  “You can’t plan a trip and think all of our problems are just gonna go like that.  Sweeping things under the rug will just-”

“Problems?  As in plural?  Whatchu talkin bout, Mara?”

“Nothing, I don’t wanna do this over the phone, I gotta go.”  

Erik looks at the call ending on his phone loses any relaxation he just gained a few minutes ago.


	3. Chapter 3

Kimara pays the barista for her green tea and goes across the street to the studio.  This week has been a hectic one for her since she’s been working with Peter Gafflin, an alternative rock artist who is on the come up since his EP dropped last year.  Kimara was owed a favor from the owner of the studio, Rick, after Erik helped get him some new equipment from a group that trashed the place after a drug fueled mosh pit they formed to add ambiance to their album.  Suffice to say, they would not be returning to record any time soon.

When she enters the studio, Rick is there playing in his grey locs nervously.

“Kimmy!  Good to see you 15 minutes past showtime, I really appreciate it.”  He smiles, dimples still displaying powerfully under is grey beard.

She shrugs.  “You know I have a process, Ricky Kanicky!  It all works out in the end, thanks for the hookup on this gig.  Are they waiting on me?”

Rick holds out his arm to escort her to the back.  “Nah, I stalled them with some mic check mumbo jumbo, so at least their warmed up properly.  You need some time in the booth before we start?”

She shakes her head as he opens the door.  A gust of patchouli hits her senses. Peter Gafflin and his gang were warming up in a way much different than how Rick described.

“Rick!  Thank God, I was ready to call the police, you were gone for like three hours man!”  Peter’s rough Carolinian accent boomed as he walked wistfully over to you two in his holely jeans and cowboy boots with his fringed black leather jacket and matching wide brimmed hat.

“No, I just had to go get some extra talent to guide our recording session along.  This is Kimara, she’s the third part to our banging backup we keep on hand for artists.” 

Peter towers over her at 6’7, but humbly bends to kiss your hand like a prince.  “To God be the glory for creating women and music. Put them together and I’m a happy Papa, you know what I’m saying?!”  He ribs Rick before clapping thunderously to liven his group. “Aight y’all! Look alive. Dave get your Fender, Bill get your wide ass behind them drums, everybody take your places!”

Kimara goes over to the mics with her other singers.  “Wassup Brenda? Tara?”

They roll their eyes at you before mumbling their hellos.  You put your headphones on to get ready for the track to play, not studdin them today.  They were the fourth pair this year to work for Rick and the studio. They all get inspired to be solo artists or get too wrapped up in the artist of the day and think they can keep up with a touring schedule to only come out of it broke with no plan B, and pregnant.  Singing has always been her dream to do, and any capacity in which Kimara can fulfill that, is one she is willing to go for. It’s her escape, her home away from home, it’s her church, especially when the artist has some good stuff to work with. Kimara hadn’t gotten as in depth with Peter’s discography as she usually does with artist’s before a recording session because her mind could not focus lately.  Trying to have a baby has been on her mind 24/7 and Erik filling her mind with hope and then trying to tell her to chill made her crazy. Did he want a baby as bad as she did? Kimara didn’t think so anymore.

She shakes her head and takes a few deep breaths before looking over the music with the girls.  Brenda catches her up on the tempo of the song and little points in which Peter wanted them to blow.  Southern singers couldn’t deny the power of a good Black gospel when they needed it.

Peter certainly is no exception.  He places his hands in front of his mouth in prayer before raising them up to the sky, bringing them down with shaky fists.

“Now THAT is a climax if I ever heard one.  What did I tell you Rick? Music and women, the best sounds on this Earth come from both.”  Peter smiles pointing victoriously at the three of them before taking his place at his mic. “I’m ready ladies, let’s record this thing!”

After a few dry rehearsals, time came to record.  Kimara gives a thumbs up to Rick as he queues up the track to play in your ears.   The song isn’t bad, kind of bluesy and it’s about a love misunderstood. Peter plays a man who is trying to convince his lover out of depression, using the analogy of being in shark infested waters.  His lover finds the water and waves so beautiful she jumps from the boat and dives in after he protests over and over. He is subjected to watch as the sharks circle around her, he reaches out to her the whole time reminding her that he is there and to take his hand.  He can’t tell if her face is wet from the ocean or from tears but she is smiling all the same and it frustrates him to see the danger looming but she isn’t phased. 

The song ends ambiguously but Kimara can’t stop her emotions from spilling over and affecting her vocals a little bit.  Rick notices immediately and cuts the session short, popping into the booth. 

“Hey Kimara, you alright?”  He asks in a fatherly manner.  

All she can do is nod and wipe her eyes as she wishes she was anywhere but there.  Being late is unprofessional enough, but costing an artist studio time, she might as well hang it up now.  Peter comes over to Kimara, waving at Rick. “We’re fine, just give us a minute.” He dips his height down to look her in her eyes.  “You alright there, ma’am?”

Kimara nods shrugging.  “The song is just that good I guess.”

Peter shakes his head.  “No, it isn’t. My buddy Ralph helped me to write it, I’ve been wondering about the composition of it since, but when he died in a car crash a couple months ago, I haven’t been able to nail this thing down.  He’d know exactly what it needs, but he ain’t here to tell it.”

“I’m sorry for your loss Peter.”  Kimara says apologetically.

Peter smiles.  “I didn’t kill him, so all’s good!  I want you to sing a little something on the track for me, just you, to kind of hear how it sounds.  Don’t worry about my notes, just do what feels good to you.”

Peter motions to Rick as he walks Kimara over to his mic, setting the headphones over her ears.  Kimara feels nervous instantly, not knowing what to do with the spotlight being on her, this has never happened to her before.  

But as the track plays, she sings the lyrics from her heart.  They were pretty simple and easy to memorize so when she closed her eyes and flowed with the track, she began to feel that familiar emotion again, accept this time she honed it as best as she could.  She knew where her inspiration came from, it was undeniable, but why did he bring the sadness out so easily? Before she knew, the song was done and when she opened her eyes, Peter was on one knee with his hands out.

“You see me right now?  This is what you just did to me, an old bachelor crooner ready to lay down it all for your hand.  Are you betrothed my dear?”

Kimara laughs as she takes off her headphones, stepping back.  “None of your business, because you are too wild for me anyway!”  

Peter gets up pointing at Rick.  “You hiding treasures from me, you greedy bastard!  This girl ain’t a back up, she’s a star in the making!”

Kimara felt hot, trying her best to appear humble, but this man has a way with words that made her completely big headed.  “It’s nothing. I don’t have the time for that right now. I’m focusing on my personal life.”

Peter smiles but appears disappointed.  “Girl the places you can go. I hope you have someone in your life to remind you of your-your QUEENLY-ness!  I wouldn’t leave the house without you by my side.”

Kimara shakes her head.  “Well luckily I do have someone.   He’s….pretty great I think.”

Peter pulls his glasses down the bridge of his nose.  “Well until that ‘think’ turns into a ‘know’ keep me in mind.”

Kimara cackles pushing him away.  “You have some nerve. Get back to your spot so we can make this album and go home!”  

They share a laugh but before Kimara goes back to her mark she turns to him.  “Peter, I did wonder though, with the song: Does the lady ever take your hand?  Gets out?”

Peter smiles weakly shaking his head.  “Nah, never does. Cuz I pushed her in.”

  
  


**_Nine Years Ago_ **

Kimara sits on the couch with a movie playing in the background but she isn’t really looking at it.  Her eyes have glazed over the moving images on her screen and the sounds are similar to being underwater.  There is too much happening in her mind at the moment to even be bothered with the world around her. 

Kimara hangs her head clutching her knees as she thinks back to a couple months ago, when Erik was there.  She had left her part time job at the music college and cautiously pulled up to her house when an ominous figure sat on her front doorstep.  Her keys tucked between her knuckles and 911 ready to just hit dial, she steps out the car. 

“Whatchu want?!”  She bellows, bringing the bass out her voice as much as possible.  His head hung low enough that the front door light couldn’t catch his features, face masked in the darkness.  

She hears him chuckle.  “The hell you barkin at?”  He lifts his head up to look at her.

Kimara’s heart dropped in her stomach at the sound of his voice.  Covering her mouth, she drops her keys to the concrete, overcome with emotion.  He wasn’t supposed to be there, practically considered him dead. Erik gets up, hugging her tightly.  “I told you I was gonna be aight. I told you.”

Kimara gasps for breath.  “No! You ain’t told me though!”  She punches his chest for emphasis.  

Erik pulls her away to lift her face toward his, wiping her eyes.  “I like a surprise, what can I say.”

Kimara sniffles her snot bubbles, stepping back.  “This is so damn embarrassing. How can you act so cool right now.  I’m a mess, and you put on so much damn weight, like, the fuck!”

Erik opens his jack to look down at himself.  “Well damn! You still know how to talk crazy to somebody.”

She laughs.  “No, like, look at you!  You got so damn….BIG, like….”  Kimara holds his jacket apart a bit to run her hands down his chest.  

Erik bites his lip nodding.  “Now that’s more like it.”

“Shut up!  I’m just in awe!  You weren’t scrawny for real but not nearly this buff!  What kind of undershirt you got on, you feel bumpy.” Kimara puls at the collar of his shirt, but Erik swipes her hand away.  

“Uh uh, you gotta earn the show.  Cash upfront.” Erik jokes, putting his hands in his pockets.  “You look good too, real….real good. Gettin them squats in huh?”  Erik stands on his toes to look around her backside but Kimara steps sideways.  

“Here you go!  Go on! I don’t see you for two years and you drop yourself here for what?  Are you back for good?” Kimara picks her keys up, going to her front door to open it. 

“I’m just here to talk, hang out.  I needed a place to lay my head, so I figured I could get two birds with one stone.”  Erik walks in behind her, closing the door. 

Kimara takes off her jacket and sets her bag down.  “That’s fine. You welcome here. You gotta tell me how things went!  I know you went to Japan at first, but I didn’t get a letter from you after that, I got kind of worried…”

Erik told Kimara about his time in Japan; he was only there a few weeks before he was selected for Special Ops training, which gave him the physique.  Most of the rest of his missions were confidential, but the orders he was given were implied. 

When he showed his scars and the meaning behind them, Kimara just about lost it.

“How can you mark yourself up like that?!  The memories aren’t enough to live with? You have to see them on yourself everyday you look in the mirror?”

“Might as well!  I see it when I wake up, when I sleep!  In a way, this is therapy for me, makes me feel like what I did wasn’t for nothing!”

Kimara paces the floor agitated beyond compare.  “Why would you hurt yourself like that? Haven’t you been through enough to make these permanent changes to yourself?  I still can’t believe the day you signed up for that damn program. The details were shaky at best. But the Navy was more important to you than what I thought.”

Erik scoffs.  “This wasn’t about you to begin with.  We didn’t have anything to fight for. You’re my friend, I had plenty of those.  You think you’re the only one that told me to fall back from it? Huh? This gave me purpose, it gave me a vision for my future, something I ain’t had EVER.”

Kimara looked at Erik with disgust.  “You’re a damn dumbass.”

Erik cocked an eyebrow.  “You better be glad I know you like that, I don't let anybody talk to me like that no more.”

Kimara stands her ground with him.  He really forgot who she was. “I ain't scared of you Erik! You forget that I've known you for years now, I'm not just somebody off the street! I've seen you stressed out for exams, I've seen you dealing with people giving you a hard time for being on scholarship, hell US cuz we Black and they didn't believe us! I get that every year on your father's death date, you get extra distant but you let me in to your little rituals to honor him.  That Wakandan chant you'd do? I still know it by heart, hell I said it for you!”

Erik looked at Kimara angrily but not because she was wrong.  “Stop talkin bout that shit.”

Kimara steps to him.  “What you think you hard now?  You think you got everyone figured out, you so damn smart??  But you won’t even let yourself FEEL shit no more, is that what your big plan is?  Shooting people up and taking their things, like that’s ever worked for anybody.”

Erik snarls.  “Except it has, and I have no problem sending it right back to people.”

Kimara points to the door.  “Get the fuck outta my house Erik.  I didn’t ask for this bullshit in my face.”

Erik turns his chin up at her. “So you done with me now?  Now is when you wanna throw me out? I knew you wasn’t worried about me anyway.”  As Erik turned away, Kimara pushes his back to get him to the door quicker.

“You fucking bastard!  I wasted my fucking time thinking about you!  You can’t get outta your own damn head to realize who cares about you!”

Erik reaches for the doorknob, standing there a moment listening to her wail.  

“You could’ve been great here with me!  I don’t give a damn how tough you think you are, you aren’t this.”

Kimara grows weak from yelling, crumpling to the floor sobbing.  Erik crouches down to her quicker than he meant to. It was instinctual more than anything.  “Come on now…”

She holds her hands up.  “No! You don’t get it. Whatever those people told you over there isn’t true.  You aren’t more of a man for doing this shit, for scarring yourself up, for not caring.  You’re not human! You’re not yourself!”

Erik freezes when she says this, something finally clicked in him with what she said.  Erik apologizes softly, but Kimara was tired. Tired of crying, tired of fighting, she just wanted her friend, she wanted to be happy and for him to be safe and happy too.  Erik just held her in his arms, allowing himself to feel like she kept reminding him to. It hurt worse than getting the scars did and when he broke, Kimara was glad. Looking into his face she finally saw the Erik she always knew, the one that she wanted so much from.  The world didn’t trample his soul that day, or any day for the next few weeks following. 

Kimara allowed Erik in her heart, something she always fought with herself over because they were such good friends and Erik wasn’t the first person she would assume wanting to settle down.  But when he looked at her it seemed so genuine, so pure she couldn’t help but fall into him. And that's what she was kicking herself over on that couch a month later, sore and opening a bottle of pills.

 

**_Present Day_ **

 

When Kimara left the studio, she tried calling Erik but didn’t get an answer.   Instead she got a generic text saying he would call her later, in a meeting.

She rolls her eyes and decides to go check on his cousin at the community center.  He’s helped Erik through a whole helluva lot of bullshit before so maybe he could listen to hers.

The state of the art facility was amazing to see given what it used to be.  Old apartments where crime and drugs ran rampant, now it looked like something you would see downtown in the upscale neighborhoods.  

When she got inside, it didn’t take long for her to find T’Challa, crouched and talking to a small child standing next to their mother.  The child gives him a hug, which he took genuinely and that’s when he sees Kimara.

“Janae, I will see you next week to work on your long division, ok?”  He points to her, thanking her mother at the same time before heading over to Kimara.

“Hello!  How are you?”  He says to Kimara warmly.

Kimara bounces on her toes.  “I’m good T’Challa, you?” They share a church hug.  Kimara is so happy she can call T’Challa family, without him, Erik wouldn’t even be there.

T’Challa sighs heavily, putting his hands behind his back.  “I’ve been better. I’ve been drowning in chamomile tea and crackers to settle my stomach.  American alcohol is horrendous.”

Kimara laughs.  “Oh yeah, Erik took you out on the town.  Did you have fun at least?”

T’Challa half shrugs, smirking.  “It was successful for what the goal was.  I met with a young lady there and we may have hit it off.  I haven’t contacted her about it yet.”

Kimara’s jaw drops.  “Whaaat? You playin with women’s heart now T?  I never thought of you as the type.”

T’Challa stutters a bit to find his words.  “It wasn’t really….well, Erik just wanted to cheer me up for me and Nakia not being on the best of terms, so-”

“Yeah, that’s how he was in college.  One girl doesn’t stop his show.” Kimara rests her hand on the back of her neck, playing with her curls knotting at the nape.

T’Challa looks away, visibly uncomfortable.  “But I do intend to call her back, I just don’t want to appear too eager and things.”

Kimara pokes her bottom lip out, bucking her round brown eyes at him.  “Aww, now don’t go soft on account of me. I know how guys are, so lemme stop asking about your love life.  However, if it ever becomes official, feel free to invite her to hang with us. We can make a double date of it.”

T’Challa nods, smiling humbly.  “Of course, that would be delightful.  I am glad you stopped by actually, I imagine you’re looking for this anyway.”  T’Challa turns on his heels, the tails of his jacket picking up with a flourishing wave as he clicks down the hallway.

Kimara follows behind him confused.  “What are you talking about?”

Walking down the halls decorated with projects and works tagged with an ‘A+’ or 100% mark whizzed past them as they approached his office.  Opening the doors to his office, his footsteps muffle against the lush carpet to retrieve something out of his desk.

He pulls out a burlap pouch to hand to Kimara proudly.  “There. Erik is pretty eager to get started on that regimen so you guys can….have at it!”  T’Challa gestures awkwardly shaking his hands about in front of him.

Kimara screws her face up looking from T’Challa to the bag.  “But I still don’t….OH! He actually asked you about some erectile, baby juice making bull from you?”

T’Challa’s eyes widen.  “You and him never stray much from details, eh?”

Kimara opens the drawstring of the bag.  “I’m sorry, I just don’t….what is the shit, T?”  Kimara pulls out dried leaves and herbs from the pouch.

T’Challa tuts at her.  “Aye aye, put it back! He is supposed to boil some water and put that in a cup and drink it.  It’s just a mix of common teas and spices, more of a placebo than a real cure.”

Kimara sighs, closing the bag up and placing a hand on her hip.  “So I guess Erik really does wanna have this baby.” She murmur to herself.

T’Challa comes around the front of the desk, leaning against it.  “Were you having second thoughts?”

She shakes her head fervently.  “No, I want to be a mother more than anything right now which….may be part of our problem.  I’m forgetting how to be his partner. We got into a bit of a thing when he had his appointment today.  He keeps saying I should slow down with the baby making regimen, and I thought for a second he wasn’t taking things seriously.”

T’Challa gives an empathetic glance, crossing his arms thoughtfully.  “Excuse me in advance if I’m getting too personal but Erik has told me only a few things, so I’m not unaware.  But I know that Erik has your interests in his heart. He knows this is important to you and it is equally important to him.  However, he doesn’t do well with rules and regulation. He likes to make things happen and if it works great, if not, move on to something new.  And maybe this is his way of moving on to a new method. But it sounds like he wants to take pressure off of you, like with this herbal method.” 

Kimara looks at the bag in her hand, feeling herself relax as she held onto it tightly.  “I think you’re right. He’s been getting on my nerves with it but I think he’s just trying to show he cares.”

T’Challa nods.  “He does, I’m certain of it.”

Kimara gives T’Challa a grateful hug.  “Thank you so much! I’m gonna take this to him.  Thanks for your help, I knew I would get what I needed coming to you.”

T’Challa gives her a soft pat on the back before breaking the embrace.  “Anytime. You guys are a great pair, he’s lucky to have you.”

“You too.  He’s come so far because of...because of you.  So even though these are dud teas, it may make things a little more hopeful, who knows.”

T’Challa clutches his chest, looking hurt.  “Dud teas? I will tell you those are delicious and very relaxing, if nothing else!  Fresh import from Wakandan gardens of the royal palace-”

Kimara yawns.  “Yeah yeah, I gotta go home now.  Tell Shuri I said hello, and if Nakia give you any trouble…”  Kimara boxes the air with weak punches.

T’Challa walks her out giving final goodbyes before making her way home to the man of her life.  

Walking into their place, Kimara finds Erik sitting on the couch playing 2K.  

“I’m home!”  Kimara calls out, kicking off her shoes and jacket.  Erik presses a combination of buttons on his controller, grunting as he misses his shot at the basket over and over, losing to the computer.

Kimara climbs over the back of the couch, laying her calves over his chest, warming his neck with her serried thighs.  “Erik…” she whines.

Erik remains unconcerned with her presence.  “Come on, I’m almost done with this quarter, don’t fuck it up.”

Kimara plays with his head, pushing it side to side before resting her breasts on top of him.  “Are you still mad at me?” 

“When did I say I was mad at you?  I thought you were mad at me?” Erik says, still focused on the game until a loud buzzer makes Kimara jump and Erik tosses the controller on the table in defeat.  

“I’m not mad, I was just...upset and assuming shit.”  Kimara says softly, massaging his scalp. She feels his shoulders relax under her legs as he strokes them.

“So what problems you tryna work through still?”  Erik says deadpan.

“None!  We don’t have any.”  Kimara says sweetly, feeling hands along his face to scratch his beard.  “T’Challa gave me his little love potion stuff…” She dangles the bag in front of his face.

Erik takes it, staring at it in his hands.  “Aight, just let me know what time you want me to take this and I’ll be on the way to the bedroom.”

Kimara swings her leg around to slide beside him holding on to his arm.  “Erik, you ain’t gotta worry about that!”

Erik looks so tired, looking at Kimara wearily.  “I don’t wanna be a reason you feel like you can’t get pregnant.  I know you think I’m being childish sometimes but I want a kid just like you.  This ain’t been good for us though, how we doin it.”

“I know,”  Kimara says, resting her chin on his shoulder.  

“And soon as those results from the lab come back, we can talk about other shit, but right now, I got you and I’m good with that.”

Kimara’s heart pounds in her chest, what a lovely man he can be.  “You’re the fucking sweetest.”

“So don’t be looking at your phone in bed with that tracker, don’t just fuck me without tryna be sexy about it, and don’t down my manhood in the heat of your anger.”

Kimara rubs his chest.  “That was bad of me.”

“Damn right it was.  Cuz that ain’t no fucking problem.”

Kimara shakes her head.  “Never.”

“I know faking, and THAT ain’t it.”

“It’s impossible for me to fake THAT.”  Kimara says, knowing exactly what he’s talking about.

“So as a man and as your man, lemme take care of what I gotta do on my own terms.  You just keep being cute and fine and smart as you always acting.”

Kimara lays her head across his lap looking up at him.  “Never an act babe, I’m all those things and more. Including hungry.”

Erik plays in her wild fro with one hand, the other resting at the base of her throat.  “What am I supposed to do about that? You ain’t got hands to dial delivery?”

“Erik!  I know you got something in that kitchen, I smelt in soon as I walked in.”

“Yeah, for ME.  This a every man for himself house, Ma, you know that.”

“Pleeeease.”  Kimara widens her eyes a bit for good measure.

Erik smirks.  “You better quit all that for I poke your eye out.”

Kimara scoffs, smacking his stomach as she gets up to look in the oven and pull out a brown paper bag with two containers of penne pasta slathered in marinara meat sauce and melty cheese with the crispy crunchy bread she loves so much.

“You were gonna eat two by yourself, huh?”  Kimara quips.

“I can eat a lot more than that, so don’t try me.”  Erik calls across the room.

Kimara gets her serving out and practically skips back to the couch to enjoy and watch Erik play his game.  Except he still had it on pause. 

“So you couldn’t bring mine back witchu?”  He asks, voice raising an octave. 

Kimara slurps up a stray string of cheese off her fork.  “Erik, seriously? I just got in!”

Erik kisses his teeth.  “Ok, lemme have a bite of yours.”

“Uh uh!  Get your lazy self up and get your own!”  Kimara kicks her feet up at him, scarfing another bite.

Erik doesn’t take no for an answer, pushing her legs to one side pinning her.  “Gimme some!”

“No!  You’re gonna make me drop it!”  Kimara squeals, barely holding onto the aluminum container.

Erik just opens his mouth open coming closer and closer to her face.  “You gonna spit on me, close your mouth!” 

Erik guides his mouth to her fork and she hesitantly puts it in his mouth.  He dramatically pauses to savor the flavor, chewing slowly. “Mm! Damn that’s good.”

Kimara rolls her eyes.  “Can you get off me now?”

Erik nods, swallowing.  “Yeah, just lemme have some bread and-”

“NIGGA IF YOU DON’T GO!”  Kimara squirming under him.  

Erik takes the container from her hand setting it on the table.  “Chill I gotta digest now.” Erik proceeds to open her legs up laying his head against her chest, snuggling in her womanly comforts.  Kimara is lowkey seething when all she wants is some damn dinner, but in reality it had been a while since they had been this playful with each other.  Putting her needs aside, she takes the time to enjoy his weight on her, his heartbeat on her stomach, the warmth in between her. 

“Sing me somethin.”  He mumbles in her titties.  

That night and every night following for the next two weeks were grand.  Kimara hadn’t felt that kind of love for Erik in a length of time she would be embarrassed to admit.  It felt like they were dating all over again and she would’ve loved for that to have stayed that way, but then his results came back and her worries erupted all over again.


	4. Chapter 4

Erik has a meeting one morning to discuss the upgrades he has planned for key components of the new model Boeing airplane that is set to begin manufacturing early the following year.  Erik stood at the sink in the master bathroom reciting lines to himself that he had prepared with notes on his phone.

“As you can see, the planes trajectory following take off can be more smoothly….more smoothly...smoother?  Uhh-- SHIT!”

Erik curses to himself as the blade angled in the wrong direction, cutting his jaw.

“You ok in there baby?”  Kimara calls out from the bedroom.  

Erik watches the blood begin to bubble and drip onto his shirt before he could get a tissue to catch it.  

“Fuck!  Yeah...I’m aight.”  Erik calls back.

Kimara is putting on an earring when she walks in to see him.  “Oh damn, Erik. You cut yourself today of all days?.” Kimara reaches for the tissue to survey the damage.  

“Ain’t it some shit?  I gotta be at the office in one hour and I fucking maim myself and stain my fucking shirt.”  

“Ohh, now stop.”  Kimara pats his chin as the blood begins to clot instead of run.  “At least now you have an excuse for the bald spot right around there.”

Erik pins her arms down giving her slight shake.  “What I tell you bout that?”

Kimara cracks up uncontrollably.  “HAHA! About what?!”

Erik stares her down sticking his chin in her face.  “Say it again, I dare you…”

Kimara bites her lips choking back her laughter.  “I meant to say...you look very handsome.”

“Uh huh.”  Erik says unconvinced but satisfied.

“So now the white men with toupees can swap Rogaine recommendations.”  Kimara adds swiftly.

“YOUGONNAADDTHATWHILEIGOTYOUSNATCHEDUP??!!!”  Erik barks at a cackling Kimara, tickling her neck and the sides of her torso mercilessly.

“OK! OK! You finna make me pee, STAHP!”  Kimara orders in between breaths. 

Erik backs off eventually, checking his chin self consciously.  “You playing too much this morning. Since this your week for laundry, make sure you don’t forget the softener this time.  That shit smell good as hell to let it sit.”

Kimara goes over to the toilet to relieve herself, leaning on her knees as she regains her composure.  “Whatever. You got time to eat something before you go?”

Erik pulls off his shirt in all studded and scarred glory.  “Nah, I took too much time at the gym this morning, so Imma have to pick somethin up later on.”

Kimara flushes and goes to her sink rinsing her hands.  “Ok. Let me know when you get off, I wanna go out.”

Erik pulls out an new shirt from his closet to put on.  “Aight bet. You got a place in mind?”

Kimara thinks a moment.  “Not really, but I’ll look up some stuff we can come to a decision on.”

Erik shakes his head.  “Uh uh say less. I got you.  Lemme surprise you with somethin good for once, ok?  You got enough on your plate, imma fill it with something tasty, ok?”  

“Oh my God, you being corny, but I like it.  Thank you…” Kimara says sweetly with smile to match.  Erik pulls her to him for a kiss and a goodbye smack on her ass as he finished up and headed out for the day.

Erik’s meeting with the board went on practically without a hitch.  Erik was always more nervous during preparation than when it came down to performance.  His presentation ran according to his plan and all the old white men looking back at him seemed slightly above average in intrigue over what he had to say.  No one was ever too excited for the meetings unless lunch was included, which today it wasn’t. But by the end he got a round of applause and a series of questions that he answered effortlessly.  When the meeting was dismissed, the cordialities and congratulations were passed around to Erik which he took lukewarmly. He’d been doing this long enough to know that a handshake and a smile does not a deal make.

“Hey Erik, great presentation today son.  You really knocked it outta the park with this one.”  Edward Hawkins, the engineering department head and Erik’s boss, says to him.

Erik nods appreciatively.  “Sure thing. I looked as deep into it as I could and I’m pretty proud of the outcome.”  

Edward subconsciously brushes his comb-over over.  “Yeah, it shows, the details were amazing and your stats very appropriate.  I wouldn’t be surprised if I heard from Dave tomorrow morning with a deal to move forward with a couple things you proposed today.”

“I won’t hold my breath for news that quick, but drinks on you if that’s the case.”  Erik claps Edward on his back and goes to leave.

“Oh, Erik!  I did want to talk to you about something.  I was talking with some of the board members and we thought you might work better with a team, just one extra partner to kind of share the load.” 

Erik puts his hands in his pockets walking slowly to Edward.  “Whatchu mean?”

Edward stutters.  “Well I-I mean it's a lot of research and money riding on what you do so to protect you and the company, we feel having a teammate with you would be beneficial!”

“Who you want me with?”  Erik asks curtly.

“Uh, Bryan actually.”  Edward says nervously.

Erik scoffs.  “Your son? The intern?”

Edward gets defensive quickly.  “Now hang on, he is an entry level employee now and he went to Brown, he has the mental capacity to keep up with you.  You think?”

“I don’t think so, nah.”  Erik adds.

Edward sighs.  “Well hell, Erik.  I don’t know what to tell you.  But this isn’t an if but a when situation so I just wanted to give you a heads up so you weren’t blindsided.”

“Cut the bullshit man and tell me what’s this really about.  I been handling mine, no problem. I thought y’all didn’t have the budget for hiring new people any damn way.”  Erik rebuttals. He knew the white folks around there complain most about money. Edward wasn’t gonna pull this over on him so fast.

“It’s not technically a hiring, just a promotion.”

“Ohhhh, that’s nice.  Well since I’m babysitting his ass, I expect a heavier drop in bank account, and that ain’t a promise, issa threat.”  Erik warns, walking towards the glass doors.

“Oh!  Erik, come on!  You’re expecting a helluva lot outta me here.”  Edward calls out.

“I know you good for it.  Make it happen.” Erik walks out leaving Edward to ponder his proposal.  

The meeting was the biggest portion of his day, and judging from his calendar, he is free the rest of the day.  Erik texts Kimara to see if she’d be down to go out still while he attempts to read her mind for a perfect evening ahead.  

In the meantime, Erik calls his cousin to pester.  “Aye T! The hell you doin nigga?”

T’Challa sighs deeply.  “Yes, N’Jadaka. How have you been?”

“Pretty good right now.  I got through with work early so I’m tryna get ready to go out.”

This elicits and even biggers sigh from T’Challa.  “N’Jadaka, there is no way I can go out with you again this week.  I doubt I would want to for the rest of the year to be honest.”

“Not with you, fuck you mean?  I’m talking about Kimara!” Erik says.

“Ohh, well then that is good.  You both are doing well?” T’Challa’s tone brightens suddenly at the relief of not getting blasted drunk in the club again.

Erik approaches his office, closing the door and the blinds.  “Yeah man, I tell you! These past few days have been so good man, we vibing for real.”

“That is great to hear!  She deserves some stress free days concerning all you have planned to do together.”

“Yeah, we haven’t heard back from my doc about the results yet so it’ll be any day.  But she hasn’t even brought up nothing bout it. No text reminders about ovulating and shit, no scheduled sex, just regular spontaneous freakin that-”

“Eh eh, N’Jadaka you are overdoing it again!”  T’Challa warns. 

Erik scoffs putting his feet up on his desk.  “Shit my bad. I thought we were having a moment.”

“No your thoughts and desires were having a moment.  So on that note, and keep it clean, what do you and Kimara have planned to do tonight?”

“That’s the thing man.  I’m still tryna figure it out.  I’m bout to pull up some four and five star spots so she can get all cute and fancy for a nigga, you know?”  Erik powers up his computer to being his search.

“Doesn’t she usually Asian foods?”  T’Challa asks.

“Yeah, them beepbeebop meals and shit?  She loves the fuck outta all the side dishes they give with the meal.  More bang for the buck she says, but we ain’t been together….probably since we been married.”

“Bibimbap.  But good, there’s a Korean grill place that opened up downtown  you might want to try with her. I met with Nakia there recently and it was pretty good.”   

“Hold UP!  You and Nakia went out?  Nigga, details!” Erik says excitedly.

“I have asked you countless times to stop calling me that.  But yes we did, only to go over ideas about the outreach center .”

“Annnd?”  Erik asks.

“Erik…”  T’Challa mimicks Erik, but in a stern tone.

“Ooh, ok, you serious using my government name.  I see you. So are you still fucking that one girl from the club?”

“I’m hanging up.”  T’Challa says.

“Wait wait, you can’t talk to me about that either?” 

“I don’t parade my conquests for everyone to hear about.”  

“Aha, so y’all still fucking.  Ok, well knowin your ass, she must be a serious situation now.  Especially if you ain’t giving Nakia the time of day.” Erik says matter-of-factly.

T’Challa hesitates before answering.  “We are considering things still, but it is an appropriate adult partnership.  Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Well at least you gettin something on the side while you waiting for scraps at Nakia’s door.  Listen, what’s the name of that Korean place?”

“Palmi, it is not an uptight place but she will enjoy the atmosphere and food, I’m sure.”

Erik types in the place by name and reads over the reviews.  “Cool, this should work. Thanks man.” Erik’s phone dings with a notification from Kimara confirming their night out.  

“Ok T, Imma let you go.  I got some time to pick some roses up or something to give her.”  Erik says getting ready to go.

“Get calla lilies instead.”  T’Challa offers.

Erik pauses.  “What? She likes them more?  I got her roses on Valentines, she liked them just fine.”

“Exactly, that was that manufactured holiday Americans love so much.  Lilies are sweeter, more elegant, sends a better message.”

Erik nods.  “Ok T, I might try that after all,  good looking out.”

Erik clicks off the phone call with T’Challa and makes his way home to get changed.  Kimara was still at the studio so he texts her to meet him at the Korean restaurant in an hour.  There is a florist up the street from his job that he stops by to get Kimara a bouquet of ten lilies with some eucalyptus leaves. 

When he gets home, Erik takes his time washing the funk of white elitist off of his skin and slips into his real nigga attire for the day:  dark navy canvas jacket over his chocolate colored Henley with black distressed jeans and timbs. Erik spritz some cologne, just enough to make her lean into him to get a better whiff.  He refreshed his locs, banding them atop his head and giving himself a once over, feeling his excitement build as the time drew near. Erik wanted his lady to know she was appreciated and tonight would highlight that for them.

Pulling up to the restaurant, Erik saw her car was already in the parking lot, a soft glow through the tinted windows indicated she is sitting and waiting for him.  Erik gets out the car with flowers behind his back as he crouches, hopping over to the back end of the car. He glides toward her driver’s side window before knocking loudly against it, causing her to honk the horn in fright.  

“Dammit, Erik!”  Kimara shouts rolling down her window.

Erik leans into the window.  “Ma’am, there’s no loitering in the parking lot.  Spaces for patrons of the restaurant only.”

Kimara turns on the light in her car to check her makeup in her phone.  “Made me smudge my lips.”

“That’s gonna be a problem you have all night. Com’ere.”  Erik pesters Kimara who gives him a light smooch before reapplying.  

Erik opens her car door, helping her out of it.  “Babe, you ain’t had to fuck up the game like this!  I thought you was coming home from work, I know I ain’t let you out the house in this!”

Kimara wore some denim cut off shorts, making a dream out of her deep toned thighs with flesh colored platform sandals adorning her feet.  Her voluptuous frame stood out as her best accessory hugged by her ‘COCO Butter’ baby tee with a scoop neck that let her girls breathe a bit.  

Pulling back her wavy 18 inches back, Kimara shrugs.  “So what about it? A queen comes prepared for any meet and greet, understand me?”

Erik rubs his chin, not able to take his eyes off any part of her.  “That ain’t a fucking problem one bit baby. I just hope these shits don’t wilt from you showing them up tonight.”  Erik takes the bouquet from behind him, giving them to Kimara.

“Awww, Erik!  These are so gorgeous!  And…” She gives them a good sniff.  “MM! Good call on that eucalyptus. How did you know I love me some lilies?”

Erik takes her hand and leads her to the restaurant.  “I know what my lady like. That’s why we finna feed my Mara well so she can go to bed with a smile on her face, you hear me?”

Kimara giggles.  “Good cuz I’m starving too.”

A hostess greets the, warmly before setting them at a table and giving them menus.  Erik and Kimara look over the options.

“The pork belly is good for sure, but the marinated bulgogi never fails me either…” Kimara mutters, looking over their options.

“Get whatever you want Mara, you know this better than me.  If it’s meat, I’ll eat.” Erik professes. 

Kimara calls over a waitress and asks for her two faves to order.  “And couple bottles of soju please.”

“What’s a soju?”

Kimara grins sneakily.  “Just a little something to warm us up, you know?”

“Ahh, ok.  Tryna take advantage of me.  I ain’t falling for it neither.”  Erik smirks.

Kimara puts a hand up to his face.  “Skrrrrt! In ya dreams!”

Erik takes her hand, kissing her knuckles.  “You right, woman of my dreams all day every day.”

Kimara rolls her eyes but can’t stop her smile.  “So damn corny. I guess all this good mood is cuz your presentation went well?”

Erik screws his face up.  “I can be happy to see you too!  But...a little bit of work shit too.  Mara, I KILLED that shit. Those whites didn’t phase me not one time.”

Kimara gives him a quick applause.  “How soon til you know what’ll stick for the roll out next year?”

“Ed made it seem like tomorrow, but realistically I’d give it the end of the week.”

The waitress brings out a tray of little dishes with appetizers for them to share and their bottles of soju with some glasses.  Erik and Kimara get their chopsticks ready.

“What’s that?”  Erik points to one of the dishes.

“That’s gamja jorim.  It’s like potatoes in soy sauce, really good!”  Kimara picks a cube of potato up, moaning at the first bite as she bounces in her seat.  

Erik tries it out but makes a face.  “It’s cold!” 

“It’s supposed to be!”  Kimara says laughing at him.  Erik opens a bottle of soju and takes a swig.

“Yo!  You’re supposed to drink it like a shot!  You not tryna drive home??” Kimara exclaims.

Erik sets the bottle down, mulling over the flavor.  “That’s not bad, weak, but not bad.”

“It’s not weak, it’s just smooth.  Your taste buds so used to drinking gasoline, you don’t know good liquor.”

“Not too much on my taste, Miss Thing Thang.  I know what’s good, like some meat right now.”  Erik whines scoping the restaurant out like it was supposed to fall from the sky.

Kimara tastes a couple more of the other appetizers.  “Have some of the kimchi! It’s that red cabbage over there.”

Erik does so, to little fanfare.  “I said MEAT Mara!”

On cue, the waitress comes out with a cutting board and the raw meat laid out in two piles, and a side of three dipping sauces for each of them.  She runs some oil along the grill in front of them and places some meat on the hot plate, flipping them and plating some for them before wishing them luck and dismissing herself.

Erik sits there flabbergasted.  “Imma kills this nigga.”

Kimara places more meat on the griddle. “The pig and cow are already dead, bruh.” 

“I mean T’Challa.  He recommended this place and he ain’t told me that we gotta cook shit ourselves.   That meat is $30 a pop! We coulda went to the store and ate at home!” Erik fumes, taking his bottle of soju up for another gulp.

Kimara thinks about this a moment.  “Well I think you’re crazy. I’m thanking T’Challa then when we get home, cuz I guess your imagination lives inside a Big Mac box.  Eat!”

Kimara shows Erik hot to lay the meat out and when to tell that it’s ready to take off and eat.  After a few pieces Erik is setting up the sliced meats himself and plating them for him and Kimara.

Kimara gives him a handclap of praise.  “That’s it! See, This the only time I’ve gotten you to cook for me.  Look at God.”

Erik hiccups.  “I cook for you before, lyin ass.”  Erik clinks a plate down before sloppily eating a piece of marinated beef like a spaghetti noodle.

Kimara takes a sip of soju from her glass.  “Oh shit. Erik, gatdammit! You drank too much?”

Erik sits up with a big smile.  “Never too much, never too much!”  he sings.

Kimara calls over the waitress.  “Now I’m gonna have to get up early and get you over here to come get your car.  Fucking…” She gives the waitress her credit card and starts to put on her coat.

Erik reaches for Kimara across the table.  “Baby….baby...babe….you know this meat was real good.”

Kimara swats his hand.  “Yeah, I told you it would be.”

“I know somethin that taste better though.”  Erik says before cackling out loud. “I can still eat baby, just SAY THE WORD!”

Kimara breathes a sigh of relief when she sees the waitress come back with her card.  

“Thanks for coming you guys!  Have a good night!”

“Thank you miss lady, we ‘preciate chu.”  Erik says. He looks over at Kimara writing.  “Aye! Don’t tip, she ain’t cooked shit.”

Kimara shushes him.   “Damn, Erik, shut up! This is a restaurant, she still served us!”  Kimara finishes writing out the ticket and her and Erik walk out the door to her car.  Erik leans back in the passenger seat until he is completely leveled out. “Come on, sit for daddy…”  Erik reaches over Kimara in the driver’s seat. 

“Erik, I gotta drive, just go to sleep or something.”  Kimara says, backing out of the space.

“My wife got the fattest ass, fattest pussy, fattest titties.  Shit too good to let go to waste. That’s why I’m taking you home girl…”

“No, I’m taking you home.”  She corrects.

“...You my leftovers.  I’m eat that ass up later.”  Erik laughs to himself at his dinner puns.  

Erik sits his seat upright again after a while.  “Mara, I’m sorry.”

Kimara looks over at him.  “What’re you talking about?”

Erik leans on her shoulder.  “I wanna do right. I wanna be good to you.”

“Aww, you are baby!”

“But you deserve it all, putting up with my bullshit.”  Erik mutters.

“You just got a little drunk.  I’m not mad at you.”

“I ain’t talkin bout now.  I shouldn’t have left you.”

Kimara tenses up.

“Those last days were so good, but I wasn’t ready for good.  I didn’t want you cuz you made things nice. But I wasn’t a nice person yet.”  Erik says.

“Y-yes you were.  I knew you were, that’s why you came back.”

“I wanted to die.  T didn’t let me. If it wasn’t for your forgiveness I probably woulda…”  Erik slumps down in her lap.

“Watch it Erik!”  Kimara exclaims.

Erik twists his face to her stomach to kiss it.  “That’s why Imma make us a family. I don’t care what a doctor say, we finna have a cute ass baby.  I owe it to you.”

Kimara is silent for a while.  “You don’t OWE me a baby Erik.”

“I do, I do.  I’ll do whatever to get this done right.”  

“Erik, shut up, ok?”  Kimara says softly. 

  
  


**Nine Years Ago (Revisit)**

 

Erik had been gone a month, and Kimara had no one she could talk to about it.  Her days working at the local community center to teach music to kids was her only escape from the day to day.  

“Ok Lala, from the top.  Caro mio ben, Credimi almen…”  Kimara sat at the piano going over the melody as her sophomore student Lala handled the lyrics.  She handled the Italian pronunciations expertly, however getting the traditional operatic tone was proving difficult..  

As Kimara played along a cramp in her stomach made her stop playing abruptly to clutch the source of the pain.  

“Ms. Walker?  Is something wrong?”  Lala asked with concern.

Kimara felt horrible all of a sudden as her condition progressed.  “No….well, not with you. I’ve got to stop this rehearsal early. Keep practicing on your own and I’ll see you next week.”  

Kimara made her way to her car, rooting through her purse for her phone but ran across the prescription pill bottle first.  Staring at the label with her name and instructions, she thinks what may have happened had she not gotten them. Could she have gone on without taking them?

Just then a wave of nausea hit her as she  opened her car door to kneel out and puke all over the asphalt.  The stinging in her throat from the force and volume of it all made her cough uncontrollably, stimulating her gag reflex even more.  Kimara gets back in the car, cursing herself for the predicament she has been put in. This was supposed to be the easier way, at this rate she may probably should’ve rethought things.

Sitting in silence for her body to settle down, Kimara’s phone rings, breaking her calm.  She finds it in her purse but sees it’s an unknown number.

“Hello?”  She asks gruffly, voice strained from vomiting.

“Yes, is this Kimara?”  The voice asks.

“Who is this?”  

“I am T’Challa, Erik’s cousin?  I don’t know if he ever mentioned me but-”

Kimara perks up at the name.  “You said you’re Erik’s family?  You’re from Africa?”

He sighs.  “So he hasn’t told you about me then.”

Kimara grows tense.  “Why hasn’t he? But first of all, why are you calling me?  Where’s Erik?”

“He is with me, in Wakanda, for a few weeks now.”

“What??  He actually made it there…”  Kimara’s voice trails off as she thinks of how Erik told her about the stories of his home, the lost family he was a part of, and claiming his part in it.  “I still don’t understand why I’m hearing from you though.”

“He wants to see you Kimara.  He wants to talk to you about things, make things right with you.”

Kimara let out a grave laugh.  “Ohhh, this is corny as fuck. He is sending his cousin, some foreign dude I ain’t met, to call and ask me to talk to him sounding like a scammer.  You tell his ass to bring himself back here on a plane to the States and maybe we will talk. How about that?”

“He can’t do that.”  T’Challa says.

“Like hell he can!  He got there, he can come back.  You calling me? Call him a plane ticket so he can bring his sorry ass back here and say shit to my face.  I ain’t crawling nowhere to him. He don’t know what he’s left me with!”

“Kimara, I’m sorry it’s coming out like this, but-”

“I said what I said, T’Challa!”  Kimara hangs up in his face. She was fuming as she started her engine and drove off to head home.  If Erik only knew….And he always did things like this: do her wrong, then beg to see her and act like nothing was wrong because ‘leave the past in the past’.  He smiles his way into her good graces and they’d be cuddled up with her favorite movie and snacks. But this wasn’t college anymore, they were grown now, and he left her vulnerable.  Kimara knew they were going to go somewhere this time but he didn’t treat her any different than the girls he ran through in his hoe years. But she was supposed to be different, he convinced her of that.  Not anymore, from this day forward.

Kimara pulled up to her place to see a man standing outside of it.  It was dark out so she really wasn’t sure who it was, but the deja vu was heavy within her.  She slowly stepped out her car and stayed behind it as she shut the door.

“Yeah?”  She asked cautiously. 

The figure turned around to face her, giving her view of his face.  “Kimara, I know this is rude of me to insist, but I have to act on Erik’s behalf.  You have every right to be angry, but he needs you right now. I want to help you through that.”

 

**Present Day**

 

The trill of Erik’s phone going off wakes them both up as they take a lazy morning.  Kimara barely got a good night’s rest for Erik having gotten too drunk and staggering to bed noisily and sloppily, only then to snore ridiculously loud for almost the whole night.  Kimara smacked her pillow at him to stir him but soon as he hit REM sleep, he was Foghorn Leghorn in the sheets. 

Kimara rounded off her pillow upside his head once more to get him to pick up his phone, this time Erik has gained more coordination to register his surroundings.  He picks up his phone without acknowledging the caller ID.

“Hello?’  Erik asks with a heavy tongue.

“Yes, Good morning Mr. Stevens.  This is Doctor Tracy from Jocelyn Elders Fertility Clinic.  How are you this morning?”

Erik sits up slowly.  “Oh hey, yeah, I think you should be telling me that, right?”

The doctor laughs.  “Sure, that’s fair. I would like to speak with you and your wife in person about the results, if you have time this afternoon?’

Erik lightly hits Kimara on her shoulder.  “Aye Mara, you got anything to do this afternoon?”

“I always got something Erik, why?”  Kimara mumbles.

“The doc wants to see us about my results, but I can schedule it later.”

Kimara shoots up with renewed energy.  “Shit! They wanna see us?” Erik nods, covering the mic part of his phone.  Kimara motions to him nodding as she gets up and heads to the bathroom.

“Uhh, yeah, this afternoon will work for us.”

At the doctor’s, they sit in a room waiting to be seen.  The doctor’s normal office seems as sterile and bland as an examination room with the smell of unidentified solutions and the overpowering whiteness of their surroundings, Kimara’s nerves are on the edge.

“What do you think they’re going to tell us?”  She asks.

Erik is leaning on his knees looking blank in his face.  “Whatchu mean?”

“I mean, hell, if it was good they would’ve just told us on the phone!  Did you fuck up your balls doing your duties overseas and you ain’t told me?”

“Hell nah!  Shit like that don’t happen.  Females swear guys gets kicked in the balls every other day or somethin.”  Erik retorts adjusting himself.

“Well it’s gotta be something.  Maybe your time in Africa you got mixed with some shit that didn’t agree with you and wound up making you sterile.”  

“Mara, you don’t know anything about Wakanda or vibranium so chill on that theory.”

“Then tell me something I don’t know Erik, cuz you’d be wasting both our time holding back.”  Kimara warns.

Erik peers over at her.  “The only thing getting wasted is my time and money sitting here cuz ain’t shit the fuck wrong with me.”

Kimara hated when Erik brought up how much he was doing for her by just showing up or dropping some cash on a situation.  She wasn’t with him for everything he could do for her, she was with him because she loved being with him, wanted the best for him, and she put in too many years with him to get that notion twisted.

Before she could really let him have it, the doctor walked in.

“Good Afternoon folks.  I’m glad you were able to make it on such short notice.”  Dr. Tracy greeted them both with a smile and a handshake.

“No problem!  We’ve been waiting on these for a little bit so no way would we miss this.”  Kimara says, looking over at Erik with a smile, who looked bored with it all.

“Yeah, so whatchu got for us doc?”  Erik says scratching his beard noisily.

Dr. Tracy nods.  “Of course, so I won’t delay it any further.  Erik after reviewing your sample, we found nothing abnormal with your sperm count, their mobility, or make up.  You seem perfectly capable of being able to conceive a child with your wife.”

A moment of silence washed over the both of them as they looked wordlessly at one another.

“Soooo, I’m fine?  Chamber loaded, no blanks?”  

“Erik!”  Kimara chides him.

Dr. Tracy chuckles.  “It’s ok, I’ve heard all the euphemisms.  But you are correct. They are...clear for takeoff!”

“Then why are we not pregnant yet?”  Kimara asks in a hollow tone.

“Well, there’s a multitude of scenarios that can contribute to it but what we know right now is that Erik’s sperm is prime for conception and your uterus is beautiful for harboring a baby, just an example of good genetic make up.  I would want to be reborn again from you if I had the chance!” Dr. Tracy adds.

Erik grips the bridge of his nose in frustration.  “So what do you recommend we do from here?”

“Well honestly I would say to just keep having your regular routine.  If you want to keep track of ovulation that’s fine but honestly I wouldn’t put too much pressure on it until it’s been a year of trying.  I know they taught us in school it only takes one time, but as we get older and just leaving it up to God, it sometimes takes just that one good day after many for it to happen.”

“Ok.  I got the answer I needed.  Are we done here?” Kimara says, getting up before she could answer.  

“Yes.  Like I said folks, this is good news.  It means this can still happen naturally and cheaply.”  Dr. Tracy says with a slight chuckle that drops to a tight smile when she reads their expressions.  

As Erik and Kimara get in her car, Erik starts.  “We need a new doctor.”

“What?”  Kimara asks with contempt.

Erik taps on his window nervously looking outside.  “This one don’t know what she talking bout clearly. How she finna joke about this?”

“I mean, she wasn’t laughing at us, she was trying to make us feel better.”  Kimara says.

“Nah, she don’t need defending.  She need to give us some real solutions instead of a punchline.  This ain’t a night at the Apollo, or is she taking us as a joke cuz we Black?”

“Erik, she gave us good news, right?  Are you gonna take any piece of that positivity and just be happy with it?  I don’t know why you’re being mean with her.”

Erik scoffs.  “Trust me this ain’t mean.  I’m just being real. You know these doctors give less of  a fuck for us then they do white patients. She would been giving us fertility referrals and brochures and clinics out her ass if we were white.  But with us it’s ‘well just keep fucking like you niggers always do’.”

“ERIK! Shut the fuck up!  I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you, but you don’t have a damn place to be this upset right now.”  Kimara yells, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

Erik’s neck practically snaps to face her.  “The fuck is-”

“Nah Erik, you been talkin.  Soon as we got there you had stank on you, callin her ‘doc’ and talkin all vulgar.  You need to quit acting like such a child! I almost think you WISH your balls were empty.”

“Mara, ain’t nobody-”

“AND NOW you wanna say let’s switch doctors, when we been working with her since I first told you I was worried about not getting pregnant yet.  She’s spent all this time with us, changing doctors ain’t easy or quick. You know I’m the one that has to carry this right? I’m going to be the one to have to go through treatments if it comes down to it?’

“I know.”

“Nah, you really don’t Erik!  You don’t know what this will do to me having to hear this shit over and over again, when this coulda been mine already.”

Erik’s demeanor softens slightly.  “What’re you talkin bout?”

Kimara’s face becomes wet with tears.  “It wasn’t this hard, you just don’t know.  It could’ve been so damn easy, but you won’t let it.”

Erik looks around out the window.  “Where we goin Mara?”

“And you got the nerve to blame the doctors?  That’s some bullshit nigga, real fucking bullshit.”  Kimara stamps on the brake when she reaches the outside of the Korean BBQ place.  “Get your damn car! I’m going for a drive, don’t wait up.”

Erik looks at Kimara with concern.  “Mara, that’s my bad about the doctor.  I just-”

Kimara clicks the unlock button.  “Get out Erik!” 


	5. Chapter 5

The speed in which Kimara peeled out of the parking lot of the Korean BBQ place gave any witness whiplash as she channeled her anger through the accelerator.  Kimara cursed out the air and any driver in her way as she rode around the streets of midtown. It’s a damn miracle no cops were around to pull her over or they would’ve caught some serious heat from her their damn self.  Not long after running her fifth yellow light turning red, Kimara began to feel her tears well over profusely. Her whole body shook as the sobs came more powerfully and she couldn’t control the car properly anymore.

Pulling over, Kimara puts her car in park as she lays onto the wheel causing it to honk one time before she unloads her emotions completely.  This isn’t what she expected, which is an outcome that is actually more common throughout this fertility process than she’d care to look back on.  She’s exhausted with all the waiting and trying and disappointment, Kimara just wants an answer or some quick fix that’ll give her what she needs.

_*knock knock*_

Kimara jumps at the sharp sound on her passenger side window, breathing out with relief once she recognizes the kind face.

“T’Challa!  What are you doing here?”  She sniffles as he opens the door to sit inside looking at her with pity.

“It’s not so taboo to be here shopping around as it is to sit in a car and cry.” He quips.

Kimara chuckles gruffly before getting caught with a hiccup from her weeping.  “I don’t do this all the time, I swear.”

T’Challa studies your face appearing suspicious.  “Are you…”

She stares at him trying to catch on until she rolls her eyes.  “Not every emotional moment with a woman is attributable to hormones man, damn!  I’m not pregnant, not on my period. I’m just dealing with fuckboy bullshit.”

T’Challa melts in his seat with embarrassment.  Just two minutes with her and he’s already regretting making his presence known.  “How are things with Erik?”

“Terrible.”  Kimara mutters.

“Elaborate.”

She wipes her face, crossing her arms.  “You know he can be such a damn idiot sometimes.”

“Specifically?”  T’Challa draws out.

Kimara tuts at him, throwing up her hands.  “I thought you didn’t want details on our shit.  TMI and whatever.”

“I want details on what is going on with you.  Good or bad.” T’Challa says softly, waiting patiently for her response.  

Kimara drops her attitude, playing with her nails anxiously.  “I had a doctor’s appointment today with Erik. Nothing’s wrong with him.”

“That is good, right?”  

She lays back on the headrest, looking out the window.  “It is, health is always good. Just...what else could it be now?  I thought that would give me my answer.”

“Does Erik know you are here?”

Kimara shakes her head.  “I left him at a Korean spot.  He was picking up his car anyway but I was tired of him too.”

“Did you like that place?”  T’Challa voice rises an octave in anticipation.

She nods, smirking.  “It was very nice. Erik told me you picked it.”  Kimara looks over at T’Challa. “Thank you for having good taste.”

T’Challa smiles softly.  “It is not something one can learn, I told you.”

Kimara tuts at him before looking away wordlessly.

“But why are you crying alone from your husband?”

“I don’t know.  I’m regretting what I said, or at least how I said it.  But Erik started off blaming the doctor and not taking the positive notes she gave us.  The whole appointment it was like he was stewing, ready for a fight or something. I don’t know what came over him then but he flipped out.”

“That may be his way of accepting the news himself.  He is probably just as over the process as you are.” T’Challa says.

“I know, I know.  But it’s like...what does he know?  How can he come in here blaming anybody for this when he’s barely wanted to follow instructions on how to better our chances.  He flip flops so much, then there’s work. I’ve seen him act like this before. When he wants something, he goes for it. But this?  He’s in a whole other world. And I’m this close to done, I cant take his childish behavior anymore.”

“Have you told him?”

“No, this just happened.”

“I mean from before.  Your shame: did you tell him?”

Kimara goes quiet.  That said everything.

“Kimara-”

“I know!  I should. But this isn’t the time.  Not when we’re rocky like this.”

T’Challa grows impatient with her.  “It has to be now! You are not over that time in life and if he does not know you are harboring, your emotional duress appears out of the blue.  He will feel attacked.”

“Well he should!  I gave up a huge part of me for him and I don’t know if he could do the same.  He hasn’t proven that yet!”

T’Challa grabs Kimara’s hand.  “Give him a little credit for what he’s been through.  Look. Until you talk with him this is all speculative.”

“Well I have a right.”

“Do not be stubborn.  Remember this situation before?  I knew where Erik was, but you were not ready to let go of your anger to let clarity come through.  You must seek him out on this, be truthful. If you do not, I cannot see this ending well, Bast forbid.”

Kimara holds his hand tightly before resting in his shoulder.  “I remember...I get that. I don’t wanna leave him like that. He doesn’t deserve that if he doesn’t know.  I’ll...trust the process.”

T’challa nods.  “That sounds familiar.  So you were listening to me.  You are a special woman, I just hate to see you go through this without all of the facts being known on his side.  The only way I can comfort you is because I know everything. Whether I like it or not.”

They chuckle a moment as they held it together quietly, grazing their knuckles in small circles with their thumbs.  Kimara remember a lot about those times when Erik recovered from his combat brainwashing, how much coaxing it took T’Challa to see him through a new lens.  T’Challa never let Kimara down. His word is always his truth and she appreciated that. She didn’t give it a serious thought until just now.

T’Challa kisses the top of her head with a small peck, making her look up at him with a faint smile.  His eyes draw her into the features of his face, different from Erik’s but just as handsome. She felt a dip in the pit of her stomach as her eyes fell over the bow of his top lip-

*brrrring!  brrrrring!*

Kimara’s phone breaks the trance as she nearly hops out of herself to stop the maddening noise.

“Hey Erik?  Yeah, I’m just over by the shops on 48th?  I needed some...I know…..It’s ok, really. We’ll talk when I get home, don’t worry.  I’ll be there soon. Love you too.”

She hangs up, growing timid.  “Sooo if you’re good I’m gonna head home.  Talk to this boy about stuff.”

T’Challa has his elbow on the passenger window, balling his fist up but with a calm expression.  His face reads a multitude of words just hanging from the cliff of his mind but his jaw is too tight to speak them.

“T’Challa?”

He nods, snapping out of his mind to give a tight smile.  “Of course. Drive safely.”

\--

Erik’s been working with his team at Boeing for a few weeks now trying to get some ideas off the ground.  He prides himself on being a superstar of the company, earning them easily millions and it’s all lightwork for his IQ.  But they were turning more commercial driven, and that doesn’t vibe with him. And now that he works with Bryan, being the son of his boss, his wings are nubs at this point.

“Listen.  We have competition out there that are able to carry more passengers on longer flights.  We gotta keep up or we will be left in the dust!” Edward exclaims.

Erik rubs his eyes as he leans back in the conference room chair.  “I’m not going rounds with you over this. That’s the last thing we need to be focusing on right now.”

“Profits?  Profitability is never last Erik, it scares me how often I have to remind you of that.”

“Hey guys?”  Bryan says.

Erik tunes him out.  “When profit hunting cuts into innovation, TRUE innovation, that betters the product in the long run and sets an example for others in the industry, we fail!  And in your case we already are! The Russians landed on the moon first bruh!”

“Guys!”  Bryan interjects.

Edward holds up a finger.  “One second son. Listen here, I’ve been in this business for 30 years now, you think-”

“I think your father shoulda taught you better than this, yeah.”  Erik quips.

“GUYS!  I have a fucking idea, can you stop to hear it?”

Erik and Edward fume, looking at one another before going back to their respective corners.

“Sure son, and please speak with common sense.”  Edward says rolling his eyes as he sips some bourbon.

“How about we just knock out on engine on each side of the aircraft, so that gives room for the extra passenger space to be added?”

Erik’s face screws up “BOY THAT’S THE DUMBEST-”

Edward stops Erik.  “Hang on. There are no wrong answers here.  Keep talking, what do you mean by that?”

Erik is incredulous.  “There are literally very wrong answers that can be given when discussing the composition of an aircraft!”

Bryan clears his throat.  “Well, of course we have to map out the logistics of it all.  But that’s the difference between us and our competitors. They have constructed their aircrafts to be able to accommodate the extra passenger space by having the bodymore elevated from the ground.  The only thing blocking ours is the extra engines.”

“There are so many things wrong with what you just said, it’s hilarious honestly.  But you have a good time figuring it out.” Erik gets up to leave.

“Oh actually, if you have space in your schedule, we need you to help with this one.  I really wanna get the ball rolling on this so we can be prepared to roll out by next spring at the latest.”

“Why the fuck would I work on something that ain’t my damn idea?  Your boy said it, let him handle it. I don’t need no credit for this.”

Edward scoffs.  “That’s fine. You can do the work and get none of the credit.  How’s that?”

“What?”

He pats Erik’s shoulder.  “We have a father son golf tournament we wanna get some practice in for anyhow.  Erik, I trust you. You’re my most senior person in this department, and at your age, that is incredible.  I’d love to see you running this place one day, but to do that, you have-”

“I don’t like sports, I don’t do teams, and the only player I am has nothing to do with this company.”

Edward smiles amused at Erik’s tenacity.  “That is good! I love that enthusiasm. So I need something, anything crossing my office floor by month’s end or you know, we’ll talk.”

“That’s some bullshit, you know it.”

“Oh, don’t worry.  I did get you some help to soften the blow.  They should be waiting in your office.”

Erik rolls his eyes.  If he has to see one more white person giving him orders, he was gonna make the 5 o’clock news in no time.  He makes his way down the hall and around the corner to trudge his way to his office, checking his pockets for his phone.  He sees a text from Kimara and starts to open it as he walks in.

“Well how you, handsome?”

Erik’s feet make tracks on the tiles as he screeches to a halt.  Looking up he starts to turn warm, eyes widening as he catches a glimpse of a familiar figure.  

“My, my.  I guess you do recognize me.  I’m a lot different outside my work clothes.”  She says, rubbing the back of her neck as she clutches her leather satchel.  She does look a lot different than their first encounter, but the curves can’t hide under her tailor navy blazer with gold piping along the collar and sides, with matching pencil skirt to boot.  The only thing that didn’t change is the heels, that had to be flirting with workplace dress code etiquette for height.

Erik tucks his phone in his pocket.  “Uh, you, uh…Chanel, right?”

She rolls her eyes, fighting an embarrassed smile.  “Whatever I told you that night was a lie. I never tell dudes I barely know my real name.  It’s Alaina.”

Erik walks across the way offering a hand.  “You didn’t seem too bothered with me being a stranger though.”

She shakes his hand firmly, still smiling slyly.  “Well, that was then. And I was off the clock. I can’t be held responsible for what happens after hours.”

“Mhm, if I wasn’t with my boy, you would’ve given me some trouble.  That wasn’t a meat market ma’am, I wasn’t lookin to cut either.”

She raises her hands.  “Hey, I get it. Especially now.  You have my word I will behave myself.  God blockedt it!”

Erik takes a seat behind his desk as Alaina sits in the chair across from him.  “So you are the secret weapon to getting this bullshit idea off the ground, huh?”

Alaina shrugs.  “I’m here to get a paycheck and possibly a promotion.  I’m here on contract, I gotta make my moves while I can.”

“Ok, that’s cool.  It’s funny how he got all the Black folks working this together for him, but I won’t get into that today.”

She rubs her forehead.  “Please, refrain. I don’t need a lecture on corporate politics from Brother Erik today.”

Erik chuckles, impressed with her wittiness.  Chanel, or Alaina, was more than just a fat ass in some FashionNova, but a brain on top to boot.  

“You right  Listen, Edward got you here close to my clock out time, so I was gonna go to my bar spot up the street, let off some steam.”

“The Magnolia?  Ooh, I love their martinis at happy hour!”

“And it just started too.”  Erik pulls out his keys and gets up to leave.  “So that’s where I’m headed. We can pick this up tomorrow, if you not up for martinis.”

“When am I not up for a martini, is the real question.  One drink can’t hurt, I’ll treat you. And don’t worry about what I said earlier.  I’ll be on my best behavior after hours too.”

\--

Kimara comes home to the house dark and empty yet again.  Erik has been taking a lot of time to work after hours and it’s been killing her vibe lately.  When she comes home from the studio, she’d love to see her man welcome her home, but he hasn’t been available.

Phone calls from the fertility specialist urging her to start considering IVF as an option is stressing her out.  Erik isn’t getting the calls, nor is he there when they come. The most he can give is a hurried, ‘oh what’d they say?  What you wanna do then? Look I gotta go!’

Kimara was not keen on even thinking about trying to get fertility treatments yet.  One day she invited Lia over, a friend she’s gained from her recent sessions at the studio.  

Over a bottle of wine and junk food, Kimara opened up about her situation as of lately.  It’s hard to avoid as a topic since it’s been consuming her all this time.

“Sheesh, it’s been that long?”  She exclaims taking a strong sip of her glass.

Kimara nods emphatically.  “I wish I was lying but yeah.  We are closing in on a year pretty soon, and I’m not getting any younger, so I may have to look into this pretty soon.  It’s not like we are having a whole lot of sex these days anyway. He’s at work constantly.”

“Girl, fix that ASAP!  Nothing makes me more jaded than not busting one every so often.”

“No one said I wasn’t busting, I would like to have my man in on it too, every once in a while.  I need a new charge cord for my shit now!”

Lia guffaws.  “So who’s ignoring who though in this situation?  I know he can’t resist our fine ass.”

Kimara scratches her head.  “Well…”

“Oh!  Now we don’t have much to say!”

“I mean!  He comes in late as hell.  I’m in my bonnet, got on my mask, knee deep in Blue Bell watching my shows when he comes in.  By the time I’m in bed and he takes a shower, he tries to get handsy. But I don’t wanna just be devoured and tossed aside, I want some damn communication!”

“Well at least you know he wants it still.”

“Yeah yeah, but when I call him on the bullshit he turns his ass back over real quick.  He won’t talk to me and I’m getting so damn tired of trying.”

Lia looks at her phone.  “Shit, I gotta go girl. The sitter won’t hesitate to charge me extra for being late.  But girl, just take some deep breaths.”

Kimara does.  “Will air give me a baby and my hot and horny relationship back?”

“No but it’ll give some blood flow to that crowded ass brain of yours so you don't get to talking foolish.”

Kimara hugs her and walks her out the door when she sees some headlights pull into the driveway.  Lia looks back.

“Be nice, but stand your ground.”  She winks before walking on, waving wildly at Erik’s car.  He waves back nonchalantly as he walks in after you.

“Who was that?”   Erik asks.

“A friend from the studio.  Just keeping me company.” You say, discarding you glasses.

Erik tosses his keys on the counter, taking his shoes off.  

“You want something to eat?”  You ask at the kitchen sink.

“Nah, you good.  I already ate.”

“This late?  So work came with dinner today?”

“You could say that.”  Erik sas in a monotone as he takes his jacket off.

Kimara stans there tapping her foot impatiently.  “Well, what do you say?”

“...you forgot to clean the dishes again?”

“Erik!”

He laughs.  “I’m just kidding!  Damn, how’s your day?  Love you. Thanks for everything.  I’m takin a shower.”He kisses a fuming Kimara quickly sensing his job being done.

Erik heads upstairs to the master bathroom as she loads the dishwasher, which has become like a part time job for her.  Erik used to try and pull doing the ‘traditional’ household tasks mess on her. But Kimara snapped him up quick with some facts, ultimatums, and peppered threats to get her point across that that was not how things would go down.  But he’s fallen off the wagon this month. Kimara sets the washer on and rinses her hands with fury before bounding up stairs. She hears the water running and open the door. Erik’s silhouette is frosted and murky behind the foggy glass of the shower door.  The scent of his body wash fills her nostrils, lighting up her senses. Kimara loves the soap he uses and can’t resist when he’s cleaned up to get him dirty all over again. But like she told Lia, she hasn’t been in the mood as of late he didn’t earn that ass yet.  

Kimara sits on the toilet lid.  “Erik, what’s been going on?”

Erik opens the door a crack and peeks his head out, sudsy bubbles speckle his skin as he grins.  “Yo, what’s it look like I’m doin? You tryna join me?”

She shakes her head.  “I wanna know where my husband has been spending his time.”  

Erik’s smile fades as he closes the door again talking over the water.  “I haven’t done nothing but work. And trust me, I don’t like it no more than you.”

Kimara makes face of frustration.  “So what changed? This isn’t normal for you still.”

“I mean...there’s nothing to talk about now, but I got this project on my head that had a strict deadline and me and this partner have just been…..you know, hammering it out.”

Kimara sighs.  “It’s not the same not having you here.  I don’t like it, it’s not fair to me.”

Erik shuts off the shower, getting out with his body glistening wet and clean, grabbing a towel across the way to dry off.  “I ain’t no fan either, but I’m tryna do some big things here that will hopefully make some history and that takes a lotta time and energy.”

“So does a relationship!  I been having dinner by myself, sleeping by myself.  I get calls from the doctor asking for us when there is no US to consider.”

Erik peaks from behind the towel on his face. “Hey hey!  We still us, don’t trip! Like I said, I-”

“BUSY!  Sure Erik, whatever fits your conscience.  This project better have a break time, cuz WE have things to do too, remember?  So you and your boy, whoever your project partner is are gonna have to work something out.”

Erik wraps his towel around his waist before kneeling in front of Kimara.  “I know you think I forgot but I haven’t.”

Kimara’s eyes shift from him.  “What?”

Erik smirks.  “Now you gonna hurt my feelings if you forgot.  Tomorrow…..our anniversary?”

Kimara tears well up instantly.  Of course she thought he had forgotten.  He hasn’t said a damn thing leading up to today, what else would she think.

“I don’t want you crying on the happiest day of my life, you hear me?  We in that year three, third times the charm right?”

Kimara really starts to ugly cry now.  “Why you makin me cry if you don’t want me too?”

Erik kisses her hands.  “You are my life. My one, my baby.   One thing we learned together no matter how far I go, we come back together as one, you know?”

Kimara sniffles, leaning her forehead against Erik’s thinking over their years together.  That statement didn’t always ring true to her, but in a small way he has been right.

“No decision I make goes without thinking of you, our family.  I got us reservations tomorrow, and tickets to that comic you love on the Boulevard.  We got the whole day to do what we wanna do, don’t trip.”

“Don’t scare me like this.”  Kimara says with an exhausted tone.  “Even for surprises, don’t.”

Erik’s eyes met hers.  “Nothing is keeping me from you.  Tomorrow let’s make that appointment with the doctor too.  I’m feeling pretty lucky right now, we are gonna get our shot.”

“You feelin lucky to get lucky?”  Kimara says stifling a laugh.

Erik pulls her closer to him by her hips.  “No lottery better in the world.”

They kissed sweetly at first, feeling a familiar urge that makes her legs tighten up.  Kimara pulls away first. “I thought about something you said though before, about a different doctor.  My friend knows a fertility specialist that may be worth looking into, maybe we can them next.”

Erik nods, looking lost in her face, running his thumb along her cheek.  “Sure, I’m up for whatever.”

“Also, while you been busy, I’ve been looking at spots for a vacation.  I’m; narrowing it down to the DR, PR, Turks and Caicos, or Belize.”

Erik buries his face in her chest, kissing the softness of her skin.  “I trust your judgement.”

Kimara defends herself against his ticklish lips.  “But I want your opinion too! And since things been going good with T’Challa and his lady, they should join us officially.  We can have dinner with them next week to get acquainted and start talking about it.”

“Ok!  You gonna help me cook?”

Erik scoffs.  “Who said that?  We cookin now? Why don’t we do like them damn Koreans and just say bring your meat and here’s the stove. Ge to it!”

She rolls her eyes.  “I’m am so sick and damn tired of that smart mouth of yours.”

He cocks an eyebrow, giving your thighs a squeeze.  “It knows what to do when you need it to.”

“Oh?”

They smile into each others mouth as their lips come together in an embrace.  Kimara’s hands play in Erik’s locs, carefully rubbing his scalp as he moans under the sensation.  Her knees rub around him causing his towel to fall.

Erik picks her up, kissing at her neck with neediness.  “I know you not tryna fuck on this toilet?”

Kimara sighs erotically rolling her head back to take in his mouth.  “Like I give a shit where I get it right now…”

 

**_Eight Years Ago_ **

 

Kimara sits in the studio after hours, playing around with the keys on a keyboard.  The day was done but she had plans to meet with someone so she was just biding her time.  In the distance she could hear the bells jingle on the front door of the studio as someone walks in.  She checks her phone for an ‘on the way’ text but there is none, and curses herself for forgetting to lock the door.  

She slowly comes out from the back room.  “Uh, sorry but we’re clo-”

The jean jacket he loves, little locs bound atop his head, and a pair of broad shoulders hunched looking through framed photos of musicians spanning decades in a display case told Kimara all she needed to know for identification.  Her heart lurches into her throat, cutting off her breath to produce sound as Erik slowly turns to look at her.

“Wassup?”  He says with a casual grin.  

“H-hey.  How did you-”

“Find you?”  She shakes his head looking back at the photos.  “It ain’t that hard to figure out. Not as hard as getting to Wakanda to see me I guess.”

Kimara folds her arms walking slowly towards him.  “Erik, I couldn’t go all the way over there. For what?  Your cousin told me you were safe, and frankly that’s all I was worried about.”

He nods, turning to face you with his hands in his pockets.  You take a deep breath looking him over. Still as big as ever, and looking good to have gone through and done all T’Challa told her happened in Wakanda.  And in a small way his eyes seemed different and familiar, not like the night he left. But like the friend she once knew.

“I’m glad he filled you in on that.  Yeah, it took a lotta counselling with my demons, but...I figured out what I needed to let go and change for the better.”

“Good.  I’m glad, really.”  Silence comes between the both of them.  Him just standing there looking at Kimara made her feel shy all of a sudden.  She thought about this day often: what she would say or do if she caught him out here after all he put her through on her own.  But now that spirit just isn’t in her. She felt stagnate, like her whole system shut down and is preparing for a reboot.

“How have you been?”  He asks, scratching his beard humbly as his eyes drop a second from her face.  “You look nice by the way.”

Kimara shrugs.  “I haven’t been up to much recently.  I teach music to school kids and...since you found me here maybe you heard I do backup for artists sometimes.”

Erik shakes his head.  “Nah, I hadn’t heard that actually.  Congratulations! You deserve that, your talent is outta this world, Mara.”

She gives him a weak smile.  “And we’re closed now,so I mean if you want to meet up another time, I gotta-”

“Did you miss me?”  Erik asks.

Kimara stammers.  “Uh…”

Erik leans on the case hanging his head low.  “I know I shouldn’t have come by your place that night.  I don’t know what has gotten into me but I promise you I hadn’t planned for any of it.”

“I know that now.  You came to me confused and left me just as such.  I thought you were staying with me.”

“I know, and I was.  I just wasn’t ready-”

“To be a man? To be grown enough to take responsibility head on?”

Erik shrugs looking slightly bewildered.  “Possibly, I don’t know! I didn’t want to hurt you and leave you without me seeing you one more time but that night made it even harder for me to want to go.”

“Then why did you?  Why did my body become your test of ‘should I stay or should I go?’  You were planning to leave regardless, you just said! So why weren’t you upfront with me?!”

“Because I love you and didn’t want you to get hurt!”

“But you hurt me Erik!  You did! You came over feeling big and bold, I softened you up but a minute before you peaced out on me.  Like that shit didn’t matter? Like that’s even something we did before.”

Erik’s eye hang low.  “I didn’t mean for the first to be the last.”

“I don’t give a fuck about the sex Erik.  I was just another in a line of females you wouldn’t look twice at.  You ain’t my first to do that, I don’t give a shit. But if you weren’t interested in being my man, you could’ve at least been my friend and thought for one second how leaving to do a homicide suicide mission with who knows and where and leaving me high and dry!  I was a MESS! I was inconsolable, Erik we practically grew up together and you just that easily forgot what all that shit meant?”

Erik shakes his head emphatically, walking slowly over to her with outstretched hands.  “Mara I’m sorry.”

Kimara gulps for air between sobs, feeling herself go weak.  “No! Don’t do that. I’m sick of you.”

Erik wipes his face eyes turning red, looking sorrowful.   “I been sick of my damn self.”

Kimara grabs Erik by the collar of his jacket.  “I’m so sick of you bringing this tye of shit outta me.  I was over you, I swear I was.”

Erik’s arms wrap around Kimara tightly as she burrows her face into his chest.  They shake with emotion together, swaying side to side and letting go on one another.  Kimara hugs Erik as tightly as she can, feeling rubbing his back, caressing his head to make sure he isn’t a dream.  But it’s real. Erik’s hads travel the length of your back before finding either side of your face to pull your gaze to his.

“I won’t put that pressure on you again.  I’m not leaving your side either. I don’t even care if you got a nigga, I got your back when he fuck up.”

Kimara makes a noise that’s a combo of a sob and a laugh while holding the back of his hands in his.  “You still a damn fool.”

When Erik’s eyes meet Kimara’s, there’s an energy that kept accelerating, building between the two of them.  It was tortuous, almost irritating how lonely her lips felt when she looked at his, and Erik definitely felt the same.  

God’s hand seemed to keep twirling around their heads, bringing them closer bit by bit until their mouths met.  Kimara’s body felt like a whole piece again once connected with his. She had found a peaceful existence without him but she had no clue she missed him so much until he was right in front of him.  

When they parted for air Kimara rested her forehead on his chin.  “Erik, I can’t just jump into this. I’m still not there.”

Erik pats her head gently.  “Mara, I ain’t worried bout that.  You here, I’m here. I don’t need nothing else.  Imma work on my situation, get myself stable. And you just live your life like you was.  Just this time you can call me. For whatever.”

Kimara hugs Erik tightly, breathing him in when she feels a vibration in her back pocket.  

“Sorry, hang on.”  Kimara reaches for it, looking to see T’Challa’s name flashing as an incoming call.  She declines it, texting him back to cancel their night together.


End file.
